Tug (Irreparable 3)

They squeal with laughter again. I laugh, too. Doo-doo stories are funny, but their laughter is hilarious.

“Okay, but I want to be a knight, not a prince,” Javier says.

Drew follows with, “Me, too. I want to be a knight, too.”

“All right, all right. The knights Javier and Drew were decked out in their finest armor, riding their noble steeds through the forest when they came across a giant pile of purple doo-doo.” They laugh again, and Drew snorts, which is a riot, and I continue. “‘Whoa,’ says Sir Javier. ‘That is a giant pile of doo-doo.’ ‘Indeed, a giant purple pile,’ adds Sir Drew. ‘We must find out who made it,’ declares Sir Javier. ‘It is our knightly duty. ’ The knights’ chests puff up with pride.”

They giggle.

“Did you get it, their duty?” I ask them.

They stare at me blankly. Clearly, they did not. My humor is obviously lost on their young minds. They need to be about twelve for that one.

“Okay, so the knights go in search of the poop perpetrator. They come across a little mouse, nibbling a piece of cheese. ‘Uh, um,’ Sir Javier coughs. ‘Little mouse, did you make the giant pile of purple doo-doo?’ The little mouse drops his cheese.” The boys erupt with laughter, again.

“What?” I ask seriously.

Javier answers. “A mouse can’t make a big pile of doo-doo.”

The kid’s got a point, and I continue my story.

“Mr. Mouse wiggles his nose. ‘Oh, gee. I wish I could, but I’m too little to make a giant pile of purple doo-doo. ’ Sir Javier nods. ‘Very well,’ says Sir Drew. ‘Carry on, then. ’ And the mouse scurries away.”

“You’re funny, Uncle Tug.” Drew beams up at me and I smile back.

“Next, the noblemen come across a unicorn. ‘Your Graceful Unicorn,’ Sir Drew says. ‘Did you make the giant pile of purple doo-doo?’ The unicorn makes an outraged face. ‘Hmph … hardly. That is an appalling accusation. I make giant piles of rainbow and sparkly doo-doo, not purple. Whoever did it is simply scandalous.” The unicorn turns its head. ‘I see,’ says Sir Javier. ‘Carry on, then. ’ The two knights are completely baffled.”

“It was a squirrel,” yells Drew.

“I bet it was a bear,” Javier guesses.

“You’re both wrong, for next our knights ride up next to an enormous moose. The animal’s face is covered in blueberries. ‘A-ha!’ shouts Sir Drew. ‘Moose, you made the giant pile of purple doo-doo,’ Sir Javier accuses him. ‘Uh-uh, not me,’ declares the moose, shaking its huge antlers. ‘It was you — the evidence is all over your face,’ Sir Drew points out, and the moose hangs its head. ‘All right, you caught me, but these blueberries are very tasty. I couldn’t help myself.’ The knights understand not being able to turn down a scrumptious treat. ‘It is quite all right, Mr. Moose. We understand,’ says Sir Drew.’ The moose smiles. ‘But, by order of the king, you must clean up your doo-doo, and all future doo-doo must me made behind trees where it will not block the road. ’ The moose nods and says, ‘I understand. ’ The knights were happy to have found the poop-perp. The moose was happy not to be in trouble and shared his blueberries with the knights, who later that evening made their own pile of purple doo-doo — in the toilet, of course.”

The boys roar with laughter as I tickle them relentlessly, their merriment the most amazing sound I’ve ever heard. I get off the bed and move to the door. “All right, little knights, time for you to sleep.” I flip the switch as they tell me good night.

Their laughter comes through the door, and I wait and listen.

“Drew?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think if we ate enough blueberries, we could make a giant pile of purple doo-doo?” Javier asks.

“I don’t know, but we should try it.”

They break into a fit of giggles, and I stand at the door with a smile so large it hurts. This. This is what life is truly about.

I settle on the couch, watching sports news while I wait for Maria. The conversation I had with Tori continues to replay in my mind. I come to the conclusion that I’m not the one she has to worry about taking the relationship seriously. I’m already in deep with both Maria and Javier, but Maria and her commitment are fragile. One small thing could force her to put a halt to things between us. If I knew what she kept secret, what is was that could come between us, maybe I could stop it. With that thought, I realize, I can. I have endless resources at my fingertips.

My eyes close briefly, and then I hear the doorbell. I open the door. The smile on Maria’s face makes my heart flutter. Although she looks exhausted, she is breathtaking. It’s hard for me to imagine how she came to be so insecure. She’s mine now, and I’ll never allow anything or anyone to make her feel small again.

“Hey,” he says as I walk through the door. “The boys are asleep.”

“Thanks for watching him.”

“Yeah, about that. You’re going to need to find a new sitter.”

I know the reason for his request, and this isn’t going to make him happy. “Del was entertaining again?”