Tug (Irreparable 3)

“One second, Javier,” I yell, and kick the heels off. I run to my bag and grab a pair of cotton shorts and a tank. Tug laughs at me scurrying around the room like a maniac.

I open the door and put a hand on Javier’s shoulder, guiding him away from the room. “Come on, honey, let’s get you back to bed.”

He stops and turns around, his big brown eyes fearful. “But I want to sleep with you,” he whines.

I sigh. It’s always been the two of us. He sleeps with me every night, and I’m sure he’s nervous in a strange place with new people. I open my mouth to explain to him that he can’t sleep with me tonight when I hear Tug.

“It’s okay, Maria. Bring him in here.”

Javier’s face lights up, and he sprints past me and leaps onto the bed. Tug lifts him into the middle of the bed. I stand staring at the two guys in my life in complete awe.

“Can’t sleep, huh, buddy?” Javier shakes his head and rubs his sleep eyes. “Will it help if you sleep in here with your mom?” Javier smiles and nods. “Do you want to go run and grab your train?”

“Nope.” Javier shakes his head. “I don’t need it.”

My heart burst. I have to hold my breath to keep from bawling my eyes out. It’s Tug. My little boy, like me, feels secure with him.

I climb up on the bed next to Javier and kiss his head. “Go back to sleep, mijo.” He rolls to his side with his back to me. Tug starts to get up. “Please stay,” I whisper.

He smiles and lies on his side with his elbow on the pillow, his head supported by his palm. His eyes stay on me as I stroke Javier’s head until I hear his heavy, sleeping breaths. Tug’s fingers graze my cheek.

“You’re both so beautiful,” he whispers.

I smile shyly and say, “You aren’t disappointed?”

He shakes his head, his expression serious. “Oh, sweet girl, you in those heels will be mine very soon, but this” — his eyes drop to my sleeping baby boy — “is what means the most in life. This is perfection.”

My eyes burn with tears again. It’s nice that tonight they’re happy tears. “You’re a good guy, you know that?”

He averts his eyes. “No, I’m not, but I want to be, for you and for your son.”

“You are,” I say quietly. “Somewhere along the way, something happened to make you think otherwise, but I see it, and I adore you for it.”

He smiles and lays his head on the pillow. Without responding, his eyes close.

I’m falling hard for this amazing and complicated man who has so much love to give. Knowing I will inevitably cause him pain terrifies me. I won’t want to, and I won’t mean to, but I will. I should take Javier now and run, save Tug from me, but I’m selfish. I can’t. He makes me feel good, and it’s been so long since I’ve felt anything. Now that I’ve had a taste, I greedily want more. There’s a tiny glimmer of hope deep inside me that makes me believe there’s a chance for us, and until it’s completely extinguished, I refuse to give up.

I’m awakened by the sound of boisterous laughter. I get out of bed and make my way to the kitchen. My mouth opens in shock as I take in the mess. Cereal is everywhere. Red Solo cups line the counter and the table. Tug, Javier and Andrew fall completely silent and stare at me.

“Uh-oh, boys,” Tug says with a mischievous grin. He points fingers at both of them, crossing his arms in front of his body. “You’re busted now.”

Andrew tries to hold in a laugh, but it bursts through his lips. Javier shrugs and tosses a Fruit Loop in the air. It lands in a cup on the table. “Three-pointer. I win!” he yells, and jumps up and down before performing a victory dance.

“Javier Joseph, what do you think you’re doing?”

“We’re playing cereal basketball.”

I’m completely horrified that my child has participated in destroying Tug’s kitchen.

“Look at this mess. What were you thinking?” I glance at Tug. “I’m so sorry about this. I’ll clean it up.”

A boyish smile over takes Tug’s face, and he hurls a Fruit Loop at me that pegs me in the cheek. The next second I’m bombarded by an onslaught of various breakfast cereals.

“Oh, this is war!” I shout, and reach the counter, grabbing a handful of cereal. I throw it at Tug.

For several minutes, cereal rains down in the kitchen, all of us launching handfuls at each other. I’m pulled into Tug’s arms, and he kisses me on the lips, cereal crunching beneath our bare feet.

“Good morning, sweet girl,” Tug says, just as cereal pelts both of us in the side of the face.