Tug (Irreparable 3)

I pull her into my arms. I don’t want to let her go, because I know when I do I’m giving her permission to leave and be with a guy who will eventually break her heart again. I’ll never convince her to move on and find someone new to love. People have to find their way on their own as I did, and as my family allowed me to do. But it hurts so goddamn much.

It’s been two weeks since Maria discovered who her father was. Day by day, she grows closer to wanting to learn more about him and meet her brother and sister.

Liv moved out of the house and into Harrison’s apartment. Maria, Javier, and I have been staying in the house with Tori, although I still have my place in San Diego. Maria and Tori have grown incredibly close. Six months ago, I never would have thought I would be happy without Tori and able to love another woman, let alone that those two women would be friends.

In my mind, Javier is my son. He’ll never know the ugliness that was his father, or the painful road Maria traveled to bring him into this world. With time, my hope is the struggles of his childhood will fade away for both him and Maria. I love them in a way I never imagined possible.

Maria reluctantly quit her job at the restaurant. I pressed her so she could be home for Javier and spend more time with him, maybe even finish her schooling, but she felt uncomfortable depending on me. After many arguments, she finally gave up, but only because she realized leaving the restaurant opened up time to help at the Center while Javier is at school. It’s been heartwarming to see the Center bring Maria the same peace it brought all of us.

Brady came home late last night. He and the band are home for a week, and we’re having a party for them. It will be the first time I’ve seen Harrison since Liv moved out, and I hope I can keep my anger restrained. I get up from the bed, unsure if I should go downstairs. I don’t want to hurt my sister, but every time I see Harrison, I remember him with Del and my temper flares.

My door opens, and Javier comes into my room, his smile short the two front teeth he’s lost over the last week.

“Are you coming down, Daddy?” he says, and I nearly cry.

“Did you call me Daddy?”

His smiles slips off his face, and he looks away. “I’m sorry,” he says, his voice so sad and timid that I realize I hurt his feelings. “I thought it was okay.”

I reach down and pick him up. I look right into his big brown eyes. “No, I’m sorry, buddy. You didn’t do anything wrong. You can call me anything you want.”

He giggles. “What if I want to call you Poop-face?”

I laugh and tickle him. “Okay, you can’t call me Poop-face.”

“Good, then I’ll call you Daddy.” He hugs me tight and I set him down, my heart full and tears burning behind my eyes. “Are you coming down?”

I nod, and follow him out of the room and down the stairs.

The kitchen is crowded with guests, most of whom I don’t know. I see Maria outside at the table next to Tori, laughing. Her gorgeous smile is contagious and my lips curve watching her. A hand grips my shoulder, and I turn my head.

“That’s a special girl you got there, little brother.”

Brady and I shake hands in front of our chests with our elbows bent.

“Yeah, she is, bro.”

Brady chuckles, and I’m confused as to what is funny, until he says, “See, Mom didn’t fuck us up too bad after all.”

“Yeah, it’s Liv I’m worried about.”

Brady cocks his head. “Something happen?” The battle begins in my thoughts as to whether I should tell him or not. “No more fucking secrets, man. This family’s had enough.”

“Let’s go out front,” I suggest, to escape the crowd inside. He follows me outside, and we sit on the steps.

“So, what’s going on with Liv?”

I sigh, knowing he’s going to lose his shit. Harrison’s met Brady’s fist on several occasions. “A couple of months ago, I went to pick up Javier from the sitter, some girl Maria worked with at the club. When I got there, I busted the girl doing the nasty with Harrison.”

Brady shoots up from the stairs and straight to the door. “That motherfucker. He’s dead!”

“Wait, sit down.”

“No. Fuck that.” His eyebrows shoot up as he shakes his head, anger rolling off of him in waves. “I asked him no less than fifteen minutes ago if he was treating her right, and he looked me in the eye and lied.”

“He might be treating her okay now. Have a seat.”

After explaining everything from destroying Harrison’s car to planning Harrison’s murder, I tell him how Liv moved in with him and would like her brothers to respectfully butt out.