“No, that’s not it, I … oh, God. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
She puts on a fantastic show. “Wow,” I say, clapping. “You could win an Oscar for this performance.”
“That’s enough, Maria.” Tug shouts, but I’m not deterred. I’m disgusted.
“Oh, dear sweet Tuggy, always coming to Tori’s rescue. I’m surprised she can tie her own shoes without you helping her.”
“I mean it. Lay off!” I turn my back on him and stare at the wall. “I love you,” he continues. “We need to talk, but here is not the place. Go to the loft and I’ll meet you there.”
I spin back around. “Before or after you make a mistake with your brother’s wife for the second time?”
His jaw locks, the vein in neck pulsating as he inhales. “Go to the loft, please. I’ll be a few minutes behind you.”
After Maria storms out of the house, I hold Tori for a few minutes until she calms down. She tries to apologize. I don’t know if it’s for her confession or for hurting Maria, but she’s a mess, and I don’t ask her to clarify. “I don’t know what happened here or what it all means, but you have some serious thinking to do. You have a baby on the way.”
“I know what I want,” she says. “I want to be with you, Tug.”
Those fucking words have been spoken in my mind for as long as I can remember. Now that I hear them out loud, from her mouth, they don’t have nearly the impact I thought they would, though they do have an effect. I’m just not sure what it is.
“I have to go talk to Maria. I’ll come by tomorrow, okay.”
She frowns and I leave without another glance.
When I arrive home, two suitcases rest near the wall by the front door. Maria is on the couch, her head buried in her hands.
“Are you leaving?” I ask, terrified her answer is going to be, yes.
Her head lifts, her tearful gaze meeting mine. She looks tired and drained, exhausted from crying, which stirs my guilt. “Do you love Tori?”
I pull at my hair and sigh. “I don’t know.”
“Of course you do.” She stands up, glaring at me. “You’re just too chicken shit to admit it.”
“Fuck! It’s not so easy to work through my feelings for a woman I’ve recently fallen in love with and someone I’ve loved my entire life. The truth is, I love both of you.”
“You can only have one,” she screams in my face.
“That’s why I’m here.”
She shoves me backward. “To let me down gently and in person. How thoughtful of you.”
I want to hold her, but I can’t move, crippled by the venom in her words.
“No, to let you know I don’t want to be with Tori. The kind of love I have for you fucking hurts, and when I’m not with you, I ache inside. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I saw the two of you.” She huffs and turns her head. “You almost kissed her.”
My fingers curl around her arm, but she doesn’t turn around. “You’re right and it’s the second time we almost kissed,” I admit and she recoils from my words, trying to pull her arm free, but I refuse to let her go.
“Wow! You’re really doing an awesome job at selling how much you love me.”
I jerk on her arm until she finally turns around. She lowers her gaze to the floor and I duck down to look up at her. “I’ve been confused, I admit. When you walked into that kitchen, I heard how hurt you were, and I thought I might lose you. The pain I felt made everything clear. I’ve been fucking up for the past few weeks, putting her first, and I’m sorry, but I’m giving you my heart. Please don’t leave.”
“No, you gave your heart away long before we met, and Tori is never going to give it back. Don’t you see that? She’s going to keep it forever, because she knows she can.” Her hand covers her mouth as she fights back tears. “This is too much,” she says, removing my ring from her finger. She holds it out for me, and I stare at it like it’s on fire, and it will burn me if I touch it.
“No. Fuck. No! I don’t want it. It’s yours.”
My heart rips in two as she sets the ring on the table. “I need to think and I can’t do that around you. I texted Liv. I’m going to stay at her apartment for the weekend, clear my head, and then, I promise we can talk. Please give me these couple of days to process everything. If I allow you to put that ring back on my finger, I have to be certain you want it there.”