Harrison has barely shut the sliding glass door when she fills the seat next to me. “Are you all right?”
There are no tears. I’m done crying. Anger controls my emotions, and I have no idea how to stop it. “Oh, yeah, just peachy. My whore of a husband has a kid with another woman and doesn’t really want me around. I’m fucking fabulous.”
“Tori!”
I hold my hand up. “Don’t fucking start, Liv.”
“I’m worried about you.” Her voice stays calm, but she looks upset. “I know this is hard on you.”
“It’s beyond that, Liv. It’s impossible. My little girl is gone. Brady has a replacement. I’m sure before long Annabelle will replace me, too.”
“Stop it!”
I turn to her, surprised by the anger in her voice.
“Andrew could never replace Mona, but he is Brady’s son, Tor. He can’t ignore that.”
I glare at her, consumed by my bitter, angry thoughts.
“As for Annabelle, you have nothing to worry about. Brady loves you.”
“I’m a distraction!” I don’t want to fight with Liv, but I’m pissed. I don’t want to listen to her defend him.
“Don’t you ever think that!” She’s shouting at me. It makes me even angrier.
“I’m not assuming anything here, Liv. Brady said it.”
“Oh, shit.” She tilts her head for a moment, contemplating. “Look, I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”
“Oh, no. He meant it.” He might not know it, but he meant it.
She’s shaking her head adamantly. I know she doesn’t want to believe it. “You just need to give it some time.”
“Time?” I laugh mockingly, and toss my head back. Time has been flying by. Every day is up and down, high and low; I can’t possibly give it any more time. “I’m tired of waiting for our lives to settle. It’s exhausting.”
She puts her hand on my knee. It burns my skin. I don’t want her to touch me. I’m beyond reassurance. “I know, but you have to be strong.”
I wish she’d drop it. She doesn’t understand. When I’m high, it’s off the charts, but when I’m low, I sit in a lonely pit of depression, withering away into nothing. That’s where I am now. “I can’t do it anymore, Liv. I’m out of fight.”
“So what are you going to do?”
I can’t even look at my best friend. I know she’s disappointed. “The only thing I know for sure is that I’m not going to wait around for my life to start while Brady finishes sorting his out.”
She squeezes my hand. “Promise me that you won’t make any rash decisions without talking to me.”
I nod. “I won’t.” I’m lying my ass off. If there’s a “rash decision”, I’ll make it alone.
“I love you,” she says with a sad smile. “I’m always here for you to vent.”
“I know. I love you, too.”
After Liv leaves me, I’m alone with my dismal thoughts. It’s not good. All I can do is think about how miserable I am in this house. I’m a stranger.
I hate feeling like I’
m not me. Sometimes it’s as though I’m watching my life from a distance. I want to scream at Tori. I want to shake her out of this funk, but when I reach out to her, there’s only air. It’s hopeless.
I go in the house, pull my phone from my purse, and dial my mother’s number.