“Brady blames me.”
“Brady’s angry right now.”
I nod at Liv. I won’t convince her.
Once I’ve showered, I let Liv blow-dry my hair. Neither of us speaks. I hate this so much. I’ve caused Brady so much pain. First Mona, and now Andrew. I’m a curse. He doesn’t need me in his life. Maybe I should go back to Minnesota. He won’t move past this if he has to see me every day.
Liv sets the brush on the counter just as my mother pops her head in through the door. I sprint to her arms and squeeze her as hard as I can.
“Oh, sweetheart,” is all she says as she brushes the side of my head and holds me close to her chest. I had no idea how much I needed her until this moment.
“Liv, can I have a moment alone with Tori, please?”
“Of course.” She smiles compassionately at my mother and leaves us alone.
“I can’t do it, Mom.” The words come out in a painful scream.
Her lips smile, but her eyes are full of worry. “You can. It’s a tough decision to make, but you need to be strong for Brady. Did the two of you talk about it?”
“God, Mom. No. He can’t even look at me.”
She guides me to the bed and pulls me down to sit next to her. “I know this is hard, sweetheart, but that little boy deserves a good quality of life. I can’t imagine he would have that living out the remainder of his years dependent on a machine.”
“You’re right, but I’m not sure I can live out the remainder of mine without him.”
“I know it’s difficult to accept. I suggest that you and Brady listen to what the doctors have to say, and then do what your hearts tells you.”
“What would you do if it were me in that bed?”
“Oh, honey. That decision would be left to Brady. As your spouse, he would decide, just as your father would for me. But your father and I have made arrangements.”
“You have?”
She nods. “We didn’t want to worry about it, and we didn’t want it to fall on you if one of us is already gone. We have a ‘do not resuscitate’ order in our will.”
Brady and I don’t have a will. We’ve never discussed these types of things. God, what if something happened to both of us? What would happen to our baby? No matter what decision we make about Andrew, I’ll make sure my affairs are in order. As for today, I have no idea what Brady wants to do. He hasn’t said one word to me, and I don’t suspect today will be any different. The doctors have told both of us that the outlook is not good and that after seventy-two hours, if Andrew hasn’t woken up, we should consider the possibility of letting him go. I stayed at the hospital talking to him until Liv forced me to come home with her last night so I could sleep before Brady and I had to meet with the doctors. How can they ask us to make this decision? How can any parent let their child go? I can’t wrap my head around it.
My mom leans back on her hands and starts to speak, but stops. She pulls the envelope with the paternity results out from under my pillow.
“What is this?”
I try to snatch the envelope from her hand.
Her eyes work their way over the front of the envelope. “Genetic Diagnostic Centers?” Her concerned eyes meet mine. “Is the baby okay?”
I sigh and take the envelope from her hand. “Yes. It’s just some precautionary testing. I’m sure it’s fine, but I couldn’t open it until I got through this, in case it’s bad news.”
She nods as though she understands. Her expression is clearly skeptical, and I know if she pushes, I’ll cave. She doesn’t push.
The door to my room flies open, and a crying Liv comes barging into the room. Her tears don’t match with her smile. “He’s awake.”
I hear her, but I’m glued to my bed, relief holding me hostage.
“Did you hear me? Andrew’s awake.”
I finally jump from the bed and throw my arms around her neck as happy tears spill from my eyes. “He’s awake?”
“Yes, and we need to go to the hospital. He’s asking for you.”