Irreparably Broken (Irreparable 1)

The small smile slips from my face when I hear the word “secret.” All of a sudden I’m self-conscious, thinking he needs to keep me hidden because he has so many other women in his life. I cringe, feeling dirty and like I want to leave.

Biting my lip, I sigh. This is the chapter in the novels I read where the girl misinterprets what the guy means to say and runs away from him before hearing his explanation, whining about how he hurt her. The two spend countless months apart in utter misery before they realize they had a misunderstanding. Refusing to be that girl, I decide to just tell Brady what I’m thinking and let him explain.

“Brady, I’m insecure, and I feel like maybe you want to keep me a secret because you don’t want anyone to know about us.”

The words sound awful out loud compared to how they sounded in my head moments ago.

He massages my shoulders, and a robust laugh leaves his lips. I hear the grin in his tone – it’s the one he wears when he thinks I’m being cute, the one I adore and detest. “Are you kidding me, Sunshine? The second my parents find out, I’m going to tell everyone that you’re mine.”

I laugh and playfully say, “I can hear the hearts breaking now.”

He doesn’t laugh. Instead, his teeth click together. Fingertips dig into my back between my shoulder blades, moving upward until they reach my scalp and then back down. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted you?”

“No.” I’m barely able to respond. The force of his fingers on my skin is spine-tingling, tender yet strong, working magic on my neck and shoulders. I blush, thinking his fingers work magic in other places as well.

“Do you remember when I came home and Jesse threw me a party for my birthday?” he asks, still stroking my skin with his talented fingers.

“Yes.” I remember it all too well. That was the night Jake and I had sex for the first time, after I made him wait a whole year, figuring that made it more meaningful somehow. God, I was naïve.

Brady’s breath is in my ear, whispering, “And do you remember what you were wearing?” His voice is low and growly.

I shiver when his lips touch my neck. “No.” My reply is less than a whisper.

His lips leave my neck, and he starts rubbing his fingers over my shoulders again. “A red dress. A very short, very tight red dress. You had these heels that did amazing things to your legs.”

“I have a tiny recollection,” I lie. I’d let Liv do her thing with me that night, and I’ll never forget that skimpy scarlet dress. She’d gone overboard, but it was the only time in my life I’d ever felt sexy, until now.

“I was talking with my friends when I spotted you coming down the stairs with my sister. The moment I saw you, I wanted you. You went from Liv’s friend to the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, right before my eyes. I started to go to you…and you wrapped your arms around Jake’s neck. He grabbed your ass and kissed you, passionately kissed you. I’d known you two were together, but in that moment I knew he’d made love to you. I wanted to pound his face in.”

I can’t contain my smile. He wanted me then. I tilt my head up to look at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

His wet hand drags across my cheek. His fingers run along my jaw, and then he brushes his thumb across my lips. I can tell by his expression he’s remembering that night, Jake’s lips on mine. “Because after Jake kissed you, I could see how much you loved him. I knew he held your heart, and I couldn’t compete.”

I lie back on his chest again and tap the faucet with my toe. I would have dumped Jake in a heartbeat if I’d known. “You were wrong about that, Brady.”

“Maybe.” His chest moves when he shrugs. “I figured one day he’d fuck up. It’s who he is. When the opportunity came along to make you see who he really is, I seized it. I regret hurting you more than you’ll ever know, but I’m not sorry he lost you. You never should have been with him.”

How had I missed all of this? If I had known Brady felt this way, and planned that night because he cared about me, I would have done so many things differently. I was so angry with him. He left the party and I never saw him again until he walked in on me in the bathroom. “Brady, I don’t understand why you never told me if your plan all along was to get rid of Jake so you could be with me.”

“I probably should have talked to you, but my life was complicated. I was afraid I would hurt you. The night you left Jake, I was with Vanessa already. I went back to school and tried to make it work with her so I could forget about you.”

“Obviously you got over me. Liv said you were in deep with her, and breaking up with her broke you.” I have insecure, ugly thoughts again. Self-conscious, Jake-induced thoughts, screaming that Brady can’t possibly care about me. Thoughts that I’m only a way to heal his wounded heart. Assumptions form, making me want to run from him. “What am I to you Brady, honestly? Because I don’t want to be anyone’s consolation prize.”

He reaches down in the water and his fingers wrap around my hip bones, scooting me close. His breath i

s hot in my ear again. “I settled for Vanessa because I couldn’t have you. You were always the grand prize. I broke up with her, remember?”

I should be elated by his answer. Hell, I should get up and do backflips naked across the bedroom. But I’m insecure, and after Jake, words don’t mean as much as they used to. “Yeah, for some crazy reason you don’t like to talk about.”

“You’re the goddamn reason. Jesus, Tori, have you heard anything I’ve said?”

“I have, Brady. But Liv said you and Vanessa were close. And you have that tattoo.”

His breath rushes out of him, a gust of wind against my neck. Fingers dance up the sides of my arms, leaving goosebumps behind. His arms slip under mine, and his hands grip my inner thighs. The groan tearing through his chest vibrates against by back.

“Yes, Vanessa and I were extremely close,” he admits. “We met freshman year and were instantly best friends. When we started up a relationship, she knew my heart wasn’t in it. Right before spring break, she called me out on it. You and Jake had been broken up for a while, and I hated myself for what I did to you. Vanessa and I were at dinner, and she told me to, and I quote, ‘Put your fucking big boy pants on and tell Tori how you feel about her.’ We broke up. Now she’s gone, and I’m the biggest son of a bitch on the planet.”

And I’m the pushiest girl on the planet. Why did I ask? It’s obviously painful for him to talk about. “Wait, you’re not even friends anymore? I don’t understand. If she wanted you to tell me, then how can she be mad at you? I’m sure if you called her, you could work it out.”