His shoulders slumped forward and a tear splashed on his chest, then another. There were no sobs, no shudders, just a steady stream of silent misery.
Well, that wasn’t going to cut it this time.
“Fuck you and your selfish silence. You talk to me right now or I walk out that door and you will never, ever see me again.”
His hands fisted until his knuckles went white. He swallowed again, rubbing his throat.
Trying to alleviate the ache or pushing it deeper?
I knew pain was his drug. Maybe even more than the oblivion he sought in drink sometimes. Though he hadn’t needed that since we’d gotten tight. Or at least I’d thought we were.
I’d also thought I was in love with him.
Now? I didn’t know who was sitting at that conference table.
I wouldn’t give him what he needed. When Simon had his hands around his neck and he didn’t fight back, I’d broken away from the hulking guys in the room with me. Away from Li and her husband watching me as much as the screen in front of us. I didn’t know where to go to get to Ian, but the rage and purity of Simon’s pain had colored the room red. Ian had been a limp rag under his hands. He didn’t even fight back.
I didn’t remember tearing down the hallway. Li and Nick right behind me. The commotion and the guards outside were my first clue. Then it had been a blur of adrenaline and sheer nerves. My only thought was to protect him.
Even with all the hard truths coming at me like bullets, I couldn’t stop myself from defending him.
“Say something.”
“I think you heard everything you needed to know.” His voice was hoarse and thready.
I slapped my hands on the table and he jumped, but he still wouldn’t look at me. “Look at me.” He stubbornly stared down. “Is that even your real name?”
Finally, his head whipped up to meet my gaze. “Yes. I’m Ian fucking Kagan. For the first time, I wish I wasn’t. I wish I’d never heard the name.”
“Because you got caught?” It killed me to say it, but I had to know.
“No.” His lips trembled into a snarl. “Because if I wasn’t who I am, then no one would be hurt. I’d be in that gutter where I belong.”
“Stop making it about you.”
“It’s all about me. All my fault.” He rose to his full height, his shoulders back for the first time since he’d been in this room. “I brought this down on his head. I’m the poisoned fruit. Don’t you see? Can’t you see it?” He grasped my upper arms. “If I hadn’t wanted a life, to start over, to have something just for me—” His grip strengthened with his anger.
I cried out.
He let me go immediately, his eyes bloodshot and stricken. “Zoe—”
I held up my hand at him. “No.”
He lifted his chin. “You need to walk away. Get as far away from me as you can.”
“No. You don’t get off that easy.”
His green eyes were feral. “Easy? Are you fucking insane?”
“I love you, Ian.”
He flinched as if I’d punched him. “You love the man I tried to become.”
“He’s the one you’re supposed to be. I watched you change from that arrogant ass on stage. The guy who knocked on my door full of drunk bravado. To the one I fell in love with—the real you. The man who showed me how much he loves his music, wants a brother, needs to belong to me—he’s the one who owns this heart.” I pounded on my chest, then onto his chest and dug my nails into his shirt until his eyes registered pain. “Just as sure as I own yours.” Tears clogged my throat. “But I need to know everything.”
“I told them everything.” His voice was a harsh whisper.
“Why would you do this?”