From the other room, Margo called out, “He’s forgetting the part where he wore me down to marry him. Don’t mind his memory lapses.”
“What are you doing, listening with a glass at the wall?” Simon called back, but he was laughing.
Their domesticity was sweet to see. I wanted this too. As much as I’d craved Simon’s life onstage, his camaraderie with his bandmates, it ran parallel with my need to create a stable home base. I’d grown up believing I wanted to be alone because I’d thought it was my fate. As soon as a shaft of light had entered the darkness, I’d stopped lying to myself.
Even now, more of the lies I’d used to keep myself safe were falling away. Old barriers and guards dropping that I no longer needed.
It wasn’t only Zoe I had to be honest with now. Or my brother. I also had to be honest with myself.
“I’m happy for you,” I said, and it was sterling truth. “You deserve this. More than anyone, you deserve a wife and a happy, healthy baby and a life of your own choosing. That’s your victory, isn’t it?”
He didn’t reply. I didn’t expect him to.
“In the movies, the hero fights to the death, but not all battles involve bloodsport. The most important are in the mind and the heart.” I swallowed hard. “You can’t have what you don’t truly believe you’re worthy of. I’m glad Margo helped you see your value. Because God only knows, they tried to strip it out of us, didn’t they?”
He stared at me, saying nothing. His throat moving up and down in time with mine.
“I came here to try to steal your money to repay my debt to Jerry, but that isn’t all I wanted to steal. I wanted to steal your success. Your friendships with your band. Even with Nick. He’s a hateful man in some respects, but he would give his life for yours.”
Simon nodded. “Because we climbed out of
that pit together.”
“I was alone in my pit.” I smiled without mirth. “So, I have no such friendships. But I’m building them. I’m finding my own. Because if all this has taught me anything, it’s that love and respect have to be earned. You can’t bully them out of people or manipulate your way into someone’s heart. Not if you want to stay there.”
“A bloodline doesn’t count as earning it either.”
“No,” I agreed softly. “I always wanted what was my right as a Kagan. But nothing had been handed to you. And I didn’t see that until I came here. I only saw the after picture, not the before. Not the during.”
“Me too. I only saw the after picture.” He raked a hand through his still dripping hair. “What came before could’ve been all we became. But it wasn’t for me. You still have time to change your picture too.”
“I do. I am. Which is what I came here to say. Well, among other things.” I let out a dry laugh. “But singing with you—well, it changed everything for me. Every trite thing you could imagine. That’s what made me tell our mum I couldn’t go through with the version of the plan they’d laid before me. Because I’d sung with my idol and I wouldn’t help break him just because I’d been so envious and alone.”
Simon’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve never been anyone’s idol.”
“Yes, you have. You’re mine. Since I was a boy, you were the one I wanted to emulate.” I grabbed my stubby ponytail. “I even grew my hair long because of you. Because you were the perfect rockstar, and I wanted to be the same.”
Simon snorted. “A, I never grew my hair as long as yours. Huh, you fucking cut it. I just noticed.”
“Such a male.” But it made me laugh, because I was no better most of the time.
“And B, your hair is far superior to mine. So, there you go. You idolize me as the perfect rockstar, and I probably was jealous of your hair. And maybe of this.” He stalked to the side table beside the sofa and picked up a small remote, stabbing buttons until my song with Flynn filled the penthouse.
I blinked as my own voice soared.
“Sabrina just sent it to radio. I mean, just. It’s only been a couple of days. How could—” I shook my head. “She sent it to you, didn’t she? To goad you.”
“No. No one sent me jack. Other than iTunes sending me an email today, advising me of all the brand-new hit singles just hitting the airwaves.”
“Hit single?” Shock wound through my question. “How can it… It’s not a hit. It was me pouring out my heart to Zoe. I didn’t even expect Flynn to sit in on it.”
“Yeah, well, British, your pain is about to make you some mad cash. Ride the train while you can.”
I sagged to the sofa. “How can this be? When I’d given up hope of it happening, then it just does?”
“Given up hope? Dude, have you been paying attention? As soon as the girls got a load of you and your incredible pipes and your pretty curls, you blew the hell up. This is just part two.”
I sat back and rubbed my face. “My pretty curls are gone.”