“I had a sister,” I begin. Jesse’s brow dents, but his eyes remain on the wet ground between us, a burst of fog parting his lips. “We were a year apart. She dove into a lake up north from our uncle’s boat in the middle of the night. We were out there fishing, and out of nowhere, she tossed her rod to the side and dove in.”
Jesse’s gaze creeps up, and when our eyes meet, I know he knows the end of this story. I say it anyway.
“She never came up. I was six. She was seven.”
My breath quivers, and it’s not because I’m cold. I haven’t talked about Ella in years. More than a decade, really. Not since I quit having to talk about her to therapists willing to give me pills.
“Ella was bipolar manic, and she was in a serious low. We were kids, and I had no idea what any of her problems meant. I just knew my mom cried a lot, and my parents both worried. They watched us like hawks, and my uncle promised he’d watch us too. It was just one second.”
I laugh at the sadness of it all. I think I have to. I’m not sure because I’ve never really talked to someone like this…about this.
“For whatever reason, after mourning her for a year, my parents just decided to hit reset. They quit jobs they hated and bought a shipping business that makes barely enough to get by. They started giving me more freedom. They put me in music classes. I fell in love with the drums.”
Jesse breathes in, his lips parted in thought before his front teeth come together as he exhales, holding back whatever it is he’s trying to say. I get that, too. I didn’t talk about Ella for an entire decade. My parents still haven’t. Ten years later, we’ve just moved on, as if she never was.
But she was.
Sometimes, when I’m in my peaceful place—when I’m playing—she still is. I feel her often.
I get why Jesse doesn’t like the holidays. It’s the same reason I adore them. This time…it was Ella
’s favorite, too.
“I’m really glad I met you, Jesse Barringer,” I say, my voice cracking from my nerves and the cold.
I’m not sure what to expect from him, but I know more than anything that those are the words I had to say right now. Those are the words he needs to hear, from someone who doesn’t have a damn thing to do with his dad.
His eyes dip and his mouth curls on one side, and I think maybe he’s a little embarrassed by my compliment…my appreciation of him. His eyes flicker with thought for a few seconds, but then rise to meet mine in a blink. In a sudden step, his lips brush against mine as his hands come up to gently hold either side of my face. I stand completely still, my arms still tethered around my own body—paralyzed. His kiss lasts for the smallest moment, long enough for his lips to hold onto my top lip with the force of a feather then fall away.
“Goodnight, Arizona Wakefield. I’m really glad I met you, too.”
I remain in the dark, in the mist and under the clearing sky while he walks with his hands buried in the pockets of his jeans back to the house where his siblings are probably tired of pretending they aren’t afraid.
The storm came and left.
And so did Jesse.
This story will continue. The entire Drummer Girl book will release in the middle of 2019. I hope you enjoyed this early sneak peek!
You can add Drummer Girl to your TBR here: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/42832402-drummer-girl
STANDALONES:
Cry Baby
Memphis
The Hard Count
Hold My Breath
How We Deal With Gravity
Blindness
THE LIKE US DUET
A Boy Like You