A laugh slipped out before I knew it was coming. “Go with Lion King for the kill shot. That fucker always makes me cry.”
She laughed too, propping her elbows on the table and pushing her hands into her long red hair. I would’ve been jealous of that hair, had I ever coveted girly things. “So let me guess. Your bitchy ways drove Tray out, then you turned your Jedi skills on me.”
“Why is it being bitchy to tell the truth?” Something I’d wondered often.
“Your version of the truth. I didn’t call last night because I was having fun. I’m sorry. I lost track of time, then it was just too late. Yeah, I had sex with him. He’s cute, he likes me, he made me a Chef salad with extra ham.” She shrugged. “Why does it have to be any more complicated than that?”
“I don’t know.” I honestly didn’t. Who was I to tell anyone what was too soon? I’d had sex with Tray for the first time in an alley a couple of days after we met. I certainly wasn’t fit to lead any relationship brigades.
Hell, for all I knew, maybe I wouldn’t even be in a relationship by evening.
“It’s just sex,” Carly went on, making me wonder which one of us she was trying to convince. “Just involves using my body, not my heart.”
“I’ve had my body used, and I can tell you this—my heart got touched even when I tried to stop it. Not in a good way either.” I jerked to my feet, stopping when Carly grabbed my wrist.
“Sorry. I’m sorry. That was stupid to say. I’m just…God, Ame, I needed to feel good for a change. He’s really into me and I guess I’m that shallow that I wanted to let him be. We’re friends and that’s enough.” She sighed. “Not everything has to be some big dramatic love story.”
“So you’re not interested in him, he’s just a penis with a face?”
She snorted. “Holy crap, I hope I’ve forgotten that image by the next time I see him.”
“I’m serious, Carly Ann. I get the whole wanting to feel good thing. Believe me, I do. And I know sometimes you’ll do crazy things to get there, but—”
“You should.” She smudged her thumb over my inner wrist. Bruises bloomed halfway up my forearm. Finger-shaped bruises. They matched the ones on my other arm. “You do this.” There was no missing the judgment in her tone. “Whoops, sorry. You have him do it to you. Does it make it okay if he takes your choice away?”
I easily yanked my arm out of her hold. She didn’t have my strength. “Say what you want about me, but I never give away my choices. No one will ever make me powerless again. I’ll die first.”
“Ame, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” Horror tinged her voice. “God, why does everything have to go back to your—” She broke off, obviously not wanting to say it.
I understood, since I didn’t fucking want to live it.
“Rape?” I asked softly, waiting for her nod. “It goes back to that because I came from that. The Amelia you knew before is gone. Everything I am now formed after those three months I spent in Darren’s house. So excuse the fuck out of me if I worry about you or if I expect you to treat your body with respect.”
Her eyes flared hotly, the blue seeming even more pronounced because it was surrounded by so much eyeliner. “Who says I’m not? I’m not harming my body. I’m just using it.”
“Fine, use it, but don’t let it use you up. You’re more than beautiful eyes and a gorgeous figure. You’re so much more.”
She rolled her eyes. “Is it time for that speech already? Next you’ll say someday some dude will want me for more than my tits.” She glanced down and gave them an obvious bounce. “Maybe I don’t care if he does. Maybe this is more than enough.”
Because I had no response to that statement, I ignored it. “I’m all for having a good time, and God knows I want you to be normal and have a regular life, but I just don’t want you to make any moves you can’t take back.” I tried to gentle my tone. “I wasn’t given the choice back then. You have choices.”
She leaped up and got right in my face—as close as she could, considering she was half a foot shorter than me. “What about your choices now? Why do you have bruises all over your body when I know you’re not fighting anymore?”
I turned my face away. “That’s none of your business.”
“It’s none of my business, but my sex life is yours. Nope, sorry, it doesn’t work that way. If you want to be all up in my bed, you can expect the same damn thing from me. If you even still have a sex life. Maybe you’ve finally driven him away.” She stepped back and pursed her lips. “Isn’t that what you want? To be all alone so no one will look too close if you make yourself bleed?”
Without waiting for my response, she disappeared down the hall and slammed the bathroom door. A moment later, the shower came on.
I slumped in my chair and pressed my fingertips to my aching cheek. If I longed to be alone, why did it sting so much?
4
Tray
“So do I have to pay extra for you or are you part of my membership?”
I set down the weight bar and slid out from under it. It took a second to blink away the sweat in my eyes, but even when I managed to, the view didn’t change. A gorgeous brunette stood at one end of my bench. Loose dark curls framed a face dominated by a pair of straightforward blue-green eyes that never deviated from their open perusal of my body. I wore track pants and a sleeveless muscle shirt, pure workout gear, but I was pretty sure she wasn’t interested in being my spotter.