I fake a smile and dismount from Liath. I hate homecomings. But the hobs are friendly and helpful and have done nothing wrong. It’s not their fault that my skin’s already crawling from the claustrophobic embrace of this place.
“Would you like us to care for Liath?” another hob asks me. “The queen has requested news of your presence as soon as you returned.”
Damn. I’d hoped for a few minutes of freedom before she found me. Clearly, there’s no opportunity for escape now. I may as well get this over with.
“If you care for Liath, I’ll inform her of my arrival in person,” I tell the hob, who takes Liath’s reins and leads him to one of the stalls.
Farther away, near the exit into the sídhe proper, a shadow slides in front of one of the torches. A shadow no one else can see. The light blinks out, but I turn away, refusing to look. I have no intention of confronting that shade now—or ever.
The presence of the shades presses heavily on me here, as it always does. They used to follow me when I was a child, begging for my attention. The worst were those drifting behind Mother’s back, the first and most ancient victims of her fight to establish our Court.
Before I learned to keep them out, those were the shades who would visit me at night. They crawled into my head and slid around, finding corners of my mind to settle in until I could avenge them—an impossible task, since my mother was their murderer. They’re the ones who showed me snatches of their deaths at Mother’s hands, who forced me to watch her kill again and again, until her reign and the freedom of her people were secured. I’d wake screaming and crying, so shaken even Roark couldn’t soothe me. I never told him what the dreams were about; I worried he wouldn’t believe me or, worse, would tell Mother. So every morning I faced Mother across the table during breakfast with only my silence to protect me.
She would butter my toast and nudge cups of tea toward me, speaking in even tones of the day’s plans and encouraging me to eat. In those moments, she seemed unrecognizable from the rebel who slit her opponents’ throats, who used her ice magick to torture and maim. At least, she was, until I met her dark gaze. Then the shades would wail and I’d freeze up under her scrutiny because her eyes were the same in the shades’ memories as they were in my waking life. After a while, it became easier to avoid meeting her gaze entirely, which led to avoiding her company.
Over the centuries, she’s tried to bridge the growing divide between us. She indulged me, let me rescue Keiran, let me choose unorthodox schooling to escape the sídhe’s confines, even let me train with the Unseelie cavalry and lead the Hunt instead of taking a political position in Court. It wasn’t enough. Now, it takes a royal command to bring us together. A royal command I may ignore, since the dread of facing her and stirring up the shades still stuck with me grows every moment I’m trapped underground.
“Will you work on Dubh as well?” Keiran’s unexpected request is enough to make me turn to see what he’s up to. I’m surprised to find him striding toward me, Dubh already handed off to one of the hobs.
“What are you doing?” Keiran loves animals and hates Court politics. I have no idea why he’d give up one of his favorite tasks voluntarily.
“We apparently need to meet with your mother,” he says.
“We?” I ask, following him out of the stable.
“We,” he confirms.
His presence beside me makes the thought of facing Mother again a little more bearable. Keiran’s always been able to do that th
ough, make something horrible into something better.
When we were younger and I’d have nightmares, Keiran would sneak me out of the sídhe. In the night’s darkness, with the cool breeze coming off the northern sea, we’d look out and watch the fires dancing in Sluagh fishing villages on distant islands. My curiosity about what life in those villages was like, about how much easier it must be to breathe when you live aboveground always distracted me from the lingering nightmares. Keiran must have understood how much it helped, because if we stood watching for long enough, he’d tell me stories about his childhood. Sometimes, he’d talk for too long and his voice would get raspy and his eyes wet and he’d fall silent, staring out over the water. Then I’d have to tug on his hand and we’d take our blankets and settle down in the heather. Lying side by side, we’d watch the stars dance overhead and I’d tell ridiculous stories about the constellations to make him laugh. The moment we snuck back into the sídhe, Keiran would close up again and I wouldn’t hear about his family until our next secret excursion.
Hopefully we won’t have to do that during this visit. Hopefully once I hand over this prisoner, Mother will be proud enough, impressed enough that she lets us leave again in short order.
“Why do you think she wants to talk to you?” Keiran asks.
“I don’t know.”
“Do you think she’s angry that you’ve taken so long to get home?”
Ahead of us, a shade drifts out of one of the halls. I turn abruptly to avoid it. Keiran, without hesitation, turns with me, adjusting to our new course with little more than a furrowed brow.
“How are you going to explain the delays to her?”
I don’t answer. Mostly because I don’t have an answer.
“Lugh, we should at least discuss this before interrupting her audiences,” Keiran protests.
I continue to ignore him and duck around a redcap with what I hope is a friendly smile. Keiran’s too large and ends up apologizing as he dances around her in an effort to catch back up to me. There’s a little more distance between us now.
“We don’t need to discuss anything,” I call over my shoulder. “We hand him over, Mother praises us, and we get out of here before nightfall.”
“It doesn’t—She won’t—” Keiran huffs and the hall fills with percussive sounds of his weapons hitting against his heavy leather armor. He’s running to get to me. The hall’s clear ahead. A light jog sounds like a good change of pace.
“Lugh, don’t you dare,” Keiran growls.
Fuck the jog. I need to stretch my legs anyway. I’m not at a full-out sprint, but it’s nice to let the decorations on the walls slip past me in a blur of color as I hurtle toward the corner of the hall. I have to reach her before Keiran reaches me.