The Crazy Rich Asians Trilogy

“Twist my arm,” Rachel said merrily, as Carol handed her a Bible.

“Sister Daisy is going to lead us in the Scripture reading today,” Carol began, as the ladies quickly flipped their Bibles open to Proverbs.

“Yes, okay, Proverbs 31:10: ‘A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.’ What does this mean to you all?” Daisy asked.

“The only thing that is worth more than rubies are good Bolivian emeralds,” Lorena remarked.

“Well, you haven’t seen my new ruby earrings from Carnet! They are drop-dead, and worth far more than my emeralds,” Nadine interjected.

“Nadine, are you still buying jewelry at your age? Don’t you have enough at this point?” Daisy chastised.

Nadine gave her a sharp look. “Pardon me, what do you mean by ‘enough’?”

Just then, an army of maids entered the room, each carrying a lacquer tray containing a bento box filled with Hainanese chicken rice. “Aiyah, they’re too quick with lunch today. I told my butler we wouldn’t be ready to eat until one thirty at the earliest!” Carol pretended to complain.

“Well, we mustn’t let the food get cold!” Lorena commented.

“Okay!” the ladies said, throwing their Bibles aside and digging in to their individual bento boxes with gusto.

“Wait, that’s it?” Rachel figured that Bible study with these ladies probably wasn’t going to feature any probing theological discussions, but she was surprised it was over this quickly.

“

You’re very lucky, Rachel. Auntie Daisy heard you were going to come to Bible study today, so she personally had her cook Swee Kee make her famous Hainanese chicken rice,” Eleanor explained, as she quickly shoveled a tender, juicy piece of sliced chicken into her mouth.

“Oh wow, thank you, Auntie Daisy. I’ve become addicted to chicken rice ever since Nick first introduced me to it! I wish we could find authentic chicken rice in New York,” Rachel remarked.

Right on cue, Nadine’s iPad started buzzing. “Alamak, I totally forgot! It’s time for my daily good-night call with my grandson in London.” She took her iPad out of her large Bottega Veneta Hobo bag and turned on FaceTime. “Joshie, Joshie, is that you?” A moon-faced blond girl appeared on the screen. “Mrs. Shaw, I just got your urgent e-mail. You wanted me to put—”

Nadine quickly interrupted. “Yes, yes, Svetlana, you don’t have to mention anything in the e-mail! Just put Joshua on the screen.”

“But we’re in the middle of his bath now.”

“It doesn’t matter, put him on, lah!” Nadine insisted.

The nanny tilted her phone and a little naked toddler appeared on the screen, sitting in shallow water in the middle of an enormous marble bathtub.

“Alamak, what a cutie he is!” the ladies all gushed in unison.

“There’s my little Joshie!” Nadine cooed.

“He’s not that little. Don’t you think he has an enormous coo-coo for his age? My boys were never that big,” Daisy whispered to Lorena.

“Isn’t the father Arab? Arab men are supposed to be hung like camels,” Lorena whispered back.

“The father’s not Arab. He’s a Syrian Jew. And we shouldn’t be talking about such things at Bible study!” Carol glared at the women distastefully.

“Aiyah, what’s the big deal? The Bible is filled with penises! There are so many scriptures about circumcising your boys and all that nonsense!” Daisy said.

“You know, in Australia we don’t customarily circumcise boys anymore,” Jackie interjected. “It’s seen as an outdated practice, and a human rights issue. Boys should be given the right to make a decision about their own foreskins.”

Rachel had been enjoying her lunch immensely, but all this foreskin talk was suddenly making the glistening bits of chicken skin on her dish look particularly unappetizing. After the ladies had taken turns passing around the iPad and oohing and aahing over the chubby little toddler, Nadine ended the call as the maids brought in trays filled with sinfully delicious nyonya kueys.

Daisy spoke up as she ate a piece of kuey dadar.*3 “That grandson of yours is just tooooo cute! I look at him and I want to pinch those fat cheeks!”

“Next to Beyoncé and Rihanna, he is the greatest joy of my life,” Nadine said.

Rachel glanced at Nadine curiously, wondering if she had heard her correctly.