Sleepless in Manhattan (From Manhattan with Love 1)

“Cleaner?”

“Yeah. The deeper the roots, the harder it is to dig them up.”

“Roots are a good thing. They keep you secure.”

“There’s nothing secure about love.” He pushed the covers back and sprang from the bed like a tiger who had just discovered that someone hadn’t locked the cage. “Love is the most unpredictable thing out there. It’s just a word, Paige, and words are easily spoken.”

“It’s not just a word. It’s a word that comes with a whole lot of feelings. Important feelings.” She paused and breathed deeply. “You haven’t had a great day—I get that. It must have been difficult with Matt, so we’ll tell him Sunday and we’ll just talk about this another time.”

“There’s nothing more to talk about. And there’s nothing to tell Matt.” He snatched at his jeans, pulling them on. “I don’t know what you were expecting from me, but whatever it is I can’t deliver.”

Frustration gave way to the first seeds of panic.

“I wasn’t expecting anything.” A small part of her knew that wasn’t quite true. She had been expecting something. She’d hoped. And she’d been so sure that he felt the same way. They’d spent time together. He’d given her a key. She made a last attempt to force him to take another look at his feelings. “What we have is special. We’ve had fun the last few weeks.”

“We have, which is why I don’t understand why you did what you just did. Why ruin everything?”

She took a deep breath. “Maybe because I don’t think love ruins a relationship. Nor do I consider love to be the worst thing that can happen to a person.” Her heart broke for him. And it broke for herself. “Love is a gift, Jake. The most important, valuable gift of all. You can’t buy it, you can’t produce it on demand, and you can’t switch it on and off. It has to be given freely, and that’s what makes it so precious. That’s what I’m offering you.”

“You’re wrong. It can be switched on and off. And ‘I love you’ is the easiest thing in the world to say.” He stared at her, his face an expressionless mask. “I don’t want what you’re offering, Paige. And you should leave now.”

He might as well have slapped her.

“I— What?” She gaped at him. “I tell you I love you and you tell me you want me to leave?”

“I don’t want you to love me. I’m sorry you think that you do.”

“I don’t ‘think’ it. I know I love you.”

He swore under his breath. “This is exactly why I didn’t get involved with you before now.”

“What? Wait!”

“I should have ended it sooner. We shouldn’t have carried on seeing each other for so long.” He said it with the emotion of someone informing her that her library ticket had expired.

This was about his mother.

She knew this was about his mother.

“Jake, my feelings for you aren’t new. I’ve been in love with you for most of my life.” She kept her voice calm. “Or that’s how it feels.”

“Then you lied to me, because you told me this wouldn’t happen.”

“I didn’t lie. I just—” She breathed, trying not to let her emotions escalate. “I just underestimated how deeply I was already involved.”

“I know. You’re like Eva. You believe in love and happily ever after. You want that.”

“Yes, I do. I won’t pretend otherwise, and I won’t apologize for wanting it.”

And so did he; she knew he did.

But he was afraid to trust it.

“I don’t want it, and I won’t pretend, either.” His tone was blunt. Resolute. “I thought you knew. I thought I’d made that clear. When we started this, we agreed it was just sex.”

“I know. But things changed. I thought you felt it, too.” She tried to reason with him. “This time we’ve spent together—it hasn’t been just about sex. We’ve had fun. We’ve laughed. We’ve talked.”

“We spent some time together. We weren’t looking for the end of the rainbow. You said you were cool with this.” His voice was low. Tight. “You said you could handle a relationship that was just physical. Now you’re telling me you can’t.”