“It’s too late. I ended it.”
“You’d been seeing each other for a while, you were enjoying each other’s company—so you ended it?”
“I can’t give her what she wants. I can’t be what she needs. And I don’t want what she’s offering.”
Maria looked at him steadily. “If I’ve understood you correctly, she’s offering you unconditional love, a lifetime of loyalty, friendship, support, encouragement, humor and, I presume, great sex. Why would you not want that, Jake?”
He opened his mouth to reply, but nothing sensible came to mind so he closed it again.
She made him feel like a jerk.
That was three times in fewer than twelve hours, and he felt a rush of something that could have been frustration or desperation.
“I thought you’d understand.”
“I un
derstand that you’re scared of love. That you don’t trust the emotion. But just because we’re scared of something and we don’t trust it doesn’t mean we don’t feel it. You love her, Jake.”
His palms felt clammy. “I’m not sure that—”
“It was a statement, not a question. You’ve always loved her. I’ve known it from the first moment you brought her here. The first moment I saw you together. You sat at what was to become your usual table, all five of you, and you watched over her like a bodyguard. I remember being pleased that Matt didn’t need to spend so much time worrying about his sister, because he was able to share the load with you.”
“We argued all the time.”
“Jake—” Maria was patient “—we both know why that was.”
Jake was beginning to wish he’d stopped at some random restaurant for breakfast and not come home. Tension pricked across the back of his neck. “I was fond of her back then, that’s true, but—”
“You protected her. And you carried on protecting her. That’s what we do when we love someone.”
“Unless you’re my mother.” The words fell out of his mouth without encouragement, and he cursed softly. “Forget I said that. I meant my biological mother. You’re my real mother. You know I think of you that way. I always have.”
“I know. And you don’t have to explain or excuse anything with me, Jake. She was your biological mother.” She reached out and took his hand. “And your mother didn’t leave because she didn’t love you. She left because she didn’t think she could give you what you needed. He’s smart, Maria, she used to say to me. He needs more than I can give him. And I told her that what a child really needed was love, but she didn’t see it that way. All she saw was all the things she wouldn’t be able to give you. The things she couldn’t buy and the education she couldn’t afford. She thought she was doing what was best for you.” She paused. “In the same way you think you’re doing what’s best for Paige.”
“It’s not the same thing.”
“Isn’t it? Does Paige want your protection? Has she asked for it?”
“She hates it.” He inhaled deeply. “She needs permanence, and we both know that in love there is no permanence. Love is a risk.”
“And why do people choose to take a risk?” Maria squeezed his hand. “Paige took the risk because she loves you. Because she believes that what you share is worth that risk. She put her heart on the line and laid out her feelings, even though she must have known there was a good chance you’d stomp all over them.”
Jake winced, because he’d done exactly that.
She’d laid her feelings out and he’d stomped.
Maria let go of his hands. “She made her choice, and now you have to make yours. You have to decide whether you love her enough to take the risk. Are you willing to do whatever it takes? Is she worth it, or would you rather go through life without her?”
“Without her? Who said anything about being without her?” Jake stood up abruptly, wishing he’d found a quiet corner to lick his wounds in private instead of coming to see Maria. “I won’t be without her. We’ll still be friends. We’ll still see each other. She’s Matt’s sister, for God’s sake.”
“Yes, you’ll still be friends. Until she meets someone. How will you feel when she eventually meets a man who doesn’t have your fear of love? Because that’s what’s going to happen, Jake. A woman like Paige—she’ll meet someone else. And knowing the sort of woman she is, loyal and loving, it won’t be the sort of relationship that’s flimsy and easily broken like the ones you prefer to have.”
The thought of Paige with another man made him want to drive his fist through the wall. “What is this? Attack Jake day?”
Maria’s expression softened, but she didn’t back down. “I think it’s probably ‘try and persuade Jake to see sense day.’ How will you feel when Paige stops crying over you and finds someone else?”
He didn’t want to think of her crying over him. And he didn’t want to think about walking into the restaurant and seeing her with some guy next to her. Holding her hand. Making her laugh. Snuggling up to her at night.