“Because it was my fault! I hurt you. Vanessa said—” She broke off, and he stilled.
“Vanessa? My sister spoke to you about it?” Why had that possibility not occurred to him? What had happened to his thinking?
Her gaze slid from his. “Forget it.”
“Tell me.”
“Why? It’s all history now. It’s not going to help.”
“I want to know what she said.” He stood firm, in this instance every bit as stubborn and immovable as she was.
“Nothing I didn’t already know. That I wasn’t the right person for you. And a few other things.”
Knowing Vanessa, he could imagine what those other things might have been, and he tucked the anger away and made a mental note that next time he spoke to his sister he was going to leave subtle at the door.
“My relationships are not my sister’s business.”
“She had your best interests at heart.”
“Maybe, but that still doesn’t make it her business.”
“She cares about you and didn’t want to see you hurt. And I hurt you.”
“You were hurt, too.”
“I was fine.”
Something inside him snapped. “Were you fine? Because I wasn’t. I wasn’t fine, Fliss! And I’m willing to bet you weren’t fine either.”
“Seth—”
“I understand why you hide your feelings. You don’t want to make yourself vulnerable. You’re afraid of being hurt. I know how much your father hurt you. He virtually trained you to keep every damn feeling inside. I get that. What I don’t get is why you would hide your feelings with me. Why you wouldn’t talk to me. And why you won’t talk to me now.”
The color drained from her face. “I am talking. What else do you want me to say?”
“I want us to talk about what happened. Really talk. Not gloss over the emotion. Last night you came close to falling apart and you won’t even admit it.”
And he wanted her to be honest. He wanted her to peel back those layers of protection that kept him from understanding her.
“I’ve told you it was a long day, and I’m not a midwife and—”
“Dammit, Fliss—” He crossed the kitchen in two strides. When she tried to sidestep he planted an arm on either side of her to block her escape. “Do not run.”
“I don’t know what you want from me.”
“The truth. Let’s start there, and I’ll go first. Losing our baby hurt. It hurt more than I could ever have imagined possible. People talk about a miscarriage as if it’s nothing, as if a baby is replaceable. But it didn’t feel like nothing. Not to me, and I’m guessing not to you either. We hadn’t told anyone you were pregnant, so there was no one I could talk to and share my feelings with, except you. And you were determined not to talk. I couldn’t get near you. I don’t even know what happened that day you l
ost the baby. I went to sleep and you were in my bed and I woke up and you were gone. Then I got that call from Harriet saying you were in the hospital.”
She stared at him for a long moment and then lowered her eyes so that she was staring at his chest. “I woke early and went for a walk on the beach. I had this horrible pain and I knew I was bleeding. I panicked and called Harriet.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“She’s my sister.”
“This was our baby, Fliss. We were married! You should have called me right away.”
“I was hoping I wouldn’t have to.”