There was plenty of work waiting for her, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was her attention span.
She needed to stop thinking about Valentine, and most of all she needed to stop thinking about Daniel and what was going to happen later.
She stood up and walked to her bookshelf. Right in front of her was a copy of Mate for Life. She pulled it off the shelf and turned it over. She’d written it in a white heat of passion, pouring everything she knew onto the page. Everything she had ever learned about watching people in relationships.
Looking at it now, she couldn’t remember how she’d done it.
She felt like an impostor.
What did she know about relationships?
Everything she knew she’d learned from books. From studying. It was all theory. None of it was from experience.
Even though three years had passed, Rupert’s voice still rang in her head.
There’s something wrong with you.
Was he right? She was starting to think that maybe he was. Even though he’d said those hurtful words because she’d hurt him badly, so badly she’d been careful not to become involved with anyone since, even she could recognize that there was a truth to them. Rupert was a good man and the breakup had been brutal, not just professionally but personally. It had been hard to look at herself in the mirror every morning. She’d hated herself, and what she’d done to him. And part of her believed that if she couldn’t love Rupert, who was charming, smart, entertaining and had women falling over themselves to gain his attention, then she wasn’t going to be able to fall in love with anyone, was she? She’d decided right there and then that she needed to stop trying and just accept the way she was. Maybe her problems originated in her childhood, maybe they didn’t, but nothing changed the facts. No matter how hard she tried, she wasn’t capable of falling in love.
She’d given herself a fresh start, but part of that fresh start had included the decision not to put herself in that position ever again.
She could have an active, and interesting, social life without becoming involved with a man.
That resolve had never been challenged. Until now.
She put the book down and made herself coffee. Without Valentine the apartment felt smaller. Empty. As if an important piece was missing.
She was about to settle down to her laptop again when there was a tap on her door.
It was Mark, carrying a huge bunch of flowers. “How’s Valentine? Gabe and I were worried sick when we got your text.”
“Better. Coming home tomorrow all being well. Come in.” Any excuse not to work.
“These are for you. Gabe sends his love.” Mark handed her the flowers, a bunch of gerberas.
Staring into their sun-like faces made her smile. “Thank you. It’s impossible to feel down when you have gerberas.” And friends. “Thank you for checking on the apartment last night. I left in a panic and I wasn’t even sure I locked it. And you cleaned up. You’re a friend in a million.”
“You look terrible. Sit down. I’ll put these in water.” He took the flowers back and walked to the kitchen area. “Have you been working?”
“I thought I’d catch up a little, but I’m having trouble concentrating.”
“And that surprises you?”
“I don’t usually have trouble focusing.”
“You have something major going on in your life. Something else filling your head.”
“The vet says he’s going to be fine. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be focused.”
Mark found a vase and filled it with water. “Unless maybe what’s filling your head isn’t Valentine.”
She felt the color in her face give her away. “Meaning?”
“You stayed the night with him.”
“Daniel? Yes, but only because his place was nearer. Nothing happened. He didn’t even kiss me.” But he’d looked at her, and she’d known that if her reasons for being there had been different he would have done more than kiss her. But of course if it hadn’t been for Valentine she wouldn’t have been there at all, which made her reasoning warped. “I told him I’m bad news. That he should stay away from me.”
“And what was his response? He thanked you politely for warning him and agreed to take his interest elsewhere?”