Miracle On 5th Avenue (From Manhattan with Love 3)

“I know. We’ve talked about it often, but we both know that isn’t why she’s upset now.”

Lucas felt as if he was on the witness stand. “Did she—”

“Talk about your relationship? Not much. She didn’t have to. Everything she feels shows on her face. Eva is delightfully uncomplicated. The way she spoke about you told me everything I need to know. It’s a shame her feelings aren’t reciprocated.” She removed her glasses and polished them carefully. “Is that what’s wrong? You’re feeling guilty? Because you shouldn’t. No man should ever feel guilty for not loving a woman. It isn’t something that can be switched on and off at will. Right now Eva is upset, but she’s a special girl and she’ll find someone else soon enough.”

Someone else?

It was a possibility that hadn’t occurred to him. “What do you mean?” His mouth was so dry he could barely force the words out and his heart pumped, as if it was punching him for being a fool.

“You don’t really think a girl like Eva will be on her own for long, do you? She has the most generous heart and sweetest nature of anyone I’ve met. Some very lucky man will get wise to that soon and snap her up. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s one of those people who get married instantly, with no waiting. She knows what she wants and she trusts her own feelings. And she has courage. So really, you don’t need to worry. And as you don’t love her, you’ll probably be relieved when she falls in love with someone else.” She eyed him closely. “You look a little pale all of a sudden. Have you been working through the night again? Such an unhealthy habit. Now that the book is done, you should take some time off.”

Peanut nudged his ankle and Lucas stooped to pick him up, thinking of the night he and Eva had rescued the puppy in the park.

His grandmother was right. A woman like that would move on. She wouldn’t spend many nights crying over him. She’d pick herself up.

Loving him was a wound, but it wouldn’t be fatal. She wouldn’t let it be fatal.

The thought of her with someone else made him want to punch a hole through something.

What if it was someone who didn’t understand how sensitive she was? Someone who took advantage of that generous nature or was clumsy with those dreams of hers?

His grandmother was holding out a slice of cake, an elaborate confection of light sponge cake, whipped cream and fresh strawberries. It made him think of creamy skin and ruby lips. Of softness and silk and the smell of Eva’s shampoo.

To be polite, he cut into it and forked up a mouthful, but discovered he had no appetite.

He put it down, china clattering on the table. “Damn it, Gran, Eva’s head is full of dreams. She sees the world as this bright, sunny place.”

His grandmother rescued the fork before it could fall onto the floor. “I see her as a woman who makes the best of things and knows what she wants. There’s nothing wrong with having dreams, Lucas, especially if you have the courage to follow them. She does.”

I love you.

Eva had that courage. She’d exposed her feelings without hesitation, even though she’d had no guarantee that those feelings were returned.

“I can’t be what she wants me to be.”

His grandmother took another sip of her tea. “Are you sure you’re thinking about Eva, and not Sallyanne?”

He stared at her, instinctively defensive. “What do you mean?”

“Sallyanne was a complicated woman, and what you shared made you believe that all relationships are complicated. She had issues, but none of her issues were linked with you. You can’t fix everything and you can’t make a person what you want them to be.”

His heart was pounding. He hadn’t talked about this with his family. Ever. “After she died, I kept thinking there must have been something I should have done differently.”

“And you tortured yourself with that.” She nodded, her gaze sympathetic. “There were so many times when I wished you’d talk about it. It killed me to see you holding all that hurt inside.”

“I didn’t want to destroy the image the world had of her. Despite everything, I loved her.”

“And she loved you, even though she had no idea how to handle that love.”

“In the end, I didn’t know what she wanted from me.”

His grandmother smiled and put her cup down. “I think what Sallyanne wanted, and what she would want if she was here now, was for you to be happy. Maybe sometimes life, and love, really is as simple as that.”

* * *

“Tell us everything.” Paige poured wine into three glasses and Eva sank down onto the sofa.

Matt and Jake were playing poker with a couple of friends, including the twins’ brother Daniel, so Paige, Frankie and Eva had the apartment to themselves.