Sunset In Central Park (From Manhattan with Love 2)

She took a sip of champagne. “I never thought I’d say this but it was a nice wedding.”

“But …?”

“No.” She shook her head. “There are no buts. Not this time.”

“You’re saying you believe they might be happy?”

She smiled. “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”

“No.” He tilted his chair back and rested his feet on the railings. “I think that stuff with your parents affected you badly. Your dad’s affair—when something like that happens it’s bound to shake your belief system.”

It wasn’t something she talked about, but for some reason it was easy to talk to Matt. He wasn’t one of those people who thought listening was waiting for a gap in the conversation just so that they could talk about themselves. He didn’t just listen, he heard.

“I knew about it, Matt.” The words spilled out, as they so often seemed to do around him. “I knew he was having an affair. For six months before he finally walked out, I knew and knowing was horrible. I didn’t know what to do. I was fourteen years old and I was in charge of a secret that could blow my family apart.”

Matt didn’t move. For a moment she wondered if he’d heard her and then he stirred.

“You never told anyone?”

“No. My dad made me promise not to say anything.”

“He knew that you’d found out?” The legs of the chair landed on the deck with a thud. He turned to face her, shock etched on his features. “Frankie?”

“I found them together. I walked in on them having sex.”

“Shit.” Matt dragged his hand over his face. “In your house?”

“In my parents’ bedroom. My mom was away and I was supposed to be staying out late for drama club but it was canceled so I came home early. Mom had given me a key. Dad didn’t know that. I don’t think they talked much by that point. So I let myself in and then I heard my dad moaning and I thought he was hurt or something so I ran upstairs. The bedroom door was open and I—” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s just say that they saw me so there was no pretending for anyone. I locked myself in my bedroom and my dad was hammering on the door. I don’t know what he did with her. She must have left, I guess.”

“Did you recognize her?”

“Vaguely. She worked with him. He made me promise not to say anything right then. He kept saying ‘You don’t want to break up our little family, do you?’ and ‘It’s grownup stuff, Frankie, and you would never understand.’ And he was right about that—I didn’t understand. When my mom came home I stayed in my room and said I was sick. Which was true.”

He took her hand, warming it between both of his. “You never told her?”

She shook her head. “I had this secret and it was so huge it was as if another person had moved in with us. It sat at the dining table, and lay in my bed. I could never get away from it.” She stared out across the ocean, at the gunmetal sea and the dark shadows of the rocks. “I couldn’t concentrate. My grades dropped. A couple of my teachers asked if things were all right at home and I always said they were fine, but in reality my whole world was crumbling and I had no idea how to glue it back together.”

“You didn’t tell Eva and Paige?”

“No. They knew things weren’t great at home, but I didn’t give them the details. I didn’t want them to have the burden of knowing, and also I think part of me still hoped that if I didn’t talk about it, it might all go away. I think deep down I was still kidding myself that it might have worked out.”

“It didn’t.”

“No. I often wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t come home early that day. If drama club hadn’t been canceled, I would have stayed at school and I never would have known. She would have left the house before I came home and I wouldn’t have caught them. I wouldn’t have been in this situation where I couldn’t look at my dad across the dining table. My mom thought I was going through a moody teenage phase and she used to send me to my room.”

There was a pause and Matt’s fingers tightened on hers, firm and strong. “Are you telling me that you blamed yourself?”

“Not at first. At first I was confused because I’d thought my parents were happy. That was the scariest thing. If they’d had fights or seemed unhappy then I would have seen it coming, but I didn’t see anything at all. And it made me wonder what I’d missed. I still do that. I look at couples and I wonder what’s going on beneath the surface. What they’re thinking really. Are they happy really or is it all a lie?” She stared down at their hands. “After he left and my mother fell apart, I blamed myself. I was scared. She was in such a bad way I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted her to be herself again. I kept thinking that if I hadn’t found him with that woman, maybe he would have stuck around. Instead, my mom decided to prove she had everything a younger woman had, and my life went from scary to embarrassing. And the worst thing was I missed my dad. I was mad at him, but I still missed him so much. I had this great empty hole in my chest. I thought we were close. I couldn’t understand how he could just walk away from me.”

Matt stood up and pulled her to her feet, wrapping her in a tight hug. “I’m glad you told me.”

“I’m glad I told you, too.” She breathed in the scent of him, soaked up the strength. “At least now you know why I’m a mess. I don’t want to think about how many men my mother has been with since. She’s like a butterfly, flitting from plant to plant, sucking the best from all of them. Do you understand now why I don’t trust relationships?”

“I understand, but Frankie—” he eased her away from him and smoothed her hair back from her face “—have you ever wondered whether the reason you’re afraid of relationships comes from what happened with your father, rather than your mother? He lied and cheated and then expected you to lie, too. He was the person you looked up to, and loved, and he let you down. It seems to me that’s the relationship that damaged you, honey, not your mother.”

She sat in silence, letting his words soak in. “But—”

“When the person you love and trust most in the world lets you down, where do you go from there?”