‘He hurt you, didn’t he? I’m going to kill him. Right after I put a deep gouge in his Ferrari, I’m going to dig out his damn heart.’
Lily gave up the exhausting pretence that everything was fine. ‘It’s my fault. Everything I did was my choice. It’s not his fault I fell in love. I still don’t understand how it happened because he
is so wrong for me.’ She sank onto the edge of the bed. ‘I thought he didn’t fit any of the criteria on my list, and then after a while I realised he did. That’s the worst thing about it. I’ve realised there are no rules I can follow.’
‘You’re in love with him? Lily—’ Brittany groaned ‘—a man like that doesn’t do love.’
‘Actually you’re wrong. He loves his father deeply. He doesn’t show it in a touchy-feely way, but the bond between them is very strong. It’s romantic love he doesn’t believe in. He doesn’t trust the emotion.’ And she understood why. He’d been deeply hurt and that hurt had bedded itself deep inside him and influenced the way he lived his life. His security had been wrenched away from him at an age when it should have been the one thing he could depend on, so he’d chosen a different sort of security—one he could control. He’d made sure he could never be hurt again.
She ached for him.
And she ached for herself.
Brittany took her hand. ‘Forget him. He’s a rat bastard.’
‘No.’ Lily sprang to his defence. ‘He isn’t. He’s honest about what he wants. He would never mislead someone the way David did.’
‘Not good enough. He should have seen what sort of person you were on that very first night and driven you home.’
‘He did see, and he tried to.’ Lily swallowed painfully. ‘He spelled out exactly what he was offering but I didn’t listen. I made my choice.’
‘Do you regret it, Lil?’
‘No! It was the most perfect time of my life. I can’t stop wishing the ending was different, but—’ She took a deep breath and pressed her hand to her heart. ‘I’m going to stop doing that fairy-tale thing and be a bit more realistic about life. I’m going to “wise up” as you’d say, and try and be a bit more like Nik. Protect myself, as he does. That way when someone like David comes into my life, I’ll be less likely to make a mistake.’
‘What about your checklist?’
‘I’m throwing it out. In the end it didn’t prove very reliable.’ And deep down she knew there was no chance of her making a mistake again. No chance of her falling in love again.
‘Does he know how you feel?’
‘I hope not. That would be truly embarrassing. Now let’s forget that. You’re the important one.’ Summoning the last threads of her will power, Lily stood up and picked up her bag. ‘I’m going to go back to our apartment, pack you a case of clothes and book you on the first flight out of here.’
‘Come with me. You’d love Puffin Island. Sea, sand and sailing. It’s a gorgeous place. There’s nothing keeping you here, Lily. Your project is finished and you can’t spend August travelling Greece on your own.’
Right now she couldn’t imagine travelling anywhere.
She wanted to lie down in a dark room until she stopped hurting.
Brittany reached out and took her hand. ‘Castaway Cottage is the most special place on earth. We may not have Greek weather, but right now living here is like being in a range cooker so you might be grateful for that. When I’m home, I sleep with the windows open and I can hear the birds and the crash of the sea. I wake up and look out of the window and the sea is smooth and flat as a mirror. You have to come. My grandmother thought the cottage had healing properties, remember? And it looks as if you need to heal.’
Was healing possible? ‘Thanks. I’ll think about it.’ She gave her friend a gentle hug. ‘Don’t laugh at any jokes while I’m gone.’
She took a cab home and tried not to think about Nik.
Sweltering in their tiny, airless bedroom, she hunted for a top or a dress that could easily be pulled over a plaster cast.
It was ridiculous to feel this low. Right from the start, there had only been one ending.
She’d be fine as long as she kept busy.
But would he?
The next woman he dated wouldn’t know about his past, because he didn’t share it.
They wouldn’t understand him.
They wouldn’t be able to find a way through the steely layers of protection he put between himself and the world and they’d retreat, leaving him alone.