First Time in Forever (Puffin Island 1)

“He said that? I’m glad you told me because now if I ever get the chance to kill him, I’m going to make sure it’s a slow death. Why do you think he said that, Em? Because underneath the surface he was a jealous creep, and he didn’t want other men looking at you.”

Emily tried to picture Neil jealous. “I want people to take me seriously.”

“I understand. Look at this blond hair—” Skylar lifted a handful of pale silk “—do you think people don’t prejudge me? Of course they do, but I don’t care. I love my hair, and if they want to take it as a sign that my brain is minuscule, then it will give me all the more pleasure to prove them wrong. This isn’t about the way you relate to men. It’s to do with your mother.”

Emily examined her nails. “Maybe.”

“Not maybe. She used her body because she had a pathological need for attention and didn’t know any other way to get it. You’re nothing like her.”

“Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I see similarities.”

“Change your mirror. I am going to take a pair of scissors to your clothes. It’s time you stopped hiding. You deserve a grand passion, and your breasts deserve to have a life outside the rigid confines of corsetry.”

Emily stared wistfully into her wineglass. “I’ve never had a grand passion. I’ve never felt that strongly about anyone. I’m not sure I want to.”

“That’s because you associate passion with the sleazy encounters your mother had. But that wasn’t passion. That was opportunistic sex.”

Emily thought about the constant parade of men when she was growing up. The cramped apartment had been busier than Times Square in July. The walls had been paper thin, the lack of air-conditioning adding to the oppressive atmosphere of the place. She was fairly sure her mother hadn’t been a passion addict, just an attention addict. “Lana inherited some of her traits. She had that same desperate need to be the focus of attention.”

She’d worked hard to be the opposite, but in doing so she’d put a label on passion as something to avoid, which had proven to be easy enough until now.

She thought about Ryan and the way he made her feel. Of the sexual awareness simmering beneath the surface of every interaction. “Do you see a future with Richard?”

Skylar lay back on the sofa. “He has many qualities that I admire. He knows what he wants and he’s determined to do what he has to do to get there.”

“And he wants you.” She didn’t voice her uneasy suspicion that Richard saw Skylar as an acquisition, a tool to enhance his political appeal.

“Yes, but there’s no escaping the fact that we’re different. He has a five-year plan. I have a five-minute plan.”

“I love that about you.”

Sky finished her wine and put her glass down, “How is it going with Lizzy?”

“It’s tough. I feel like I want to tie her to me so that nothing bad can happen.” Emily toyed with her glass. “I don’t trust my ability to keep her safe. I don’t have the skills for this.”

“Yes, you do, but you’re scared.” Sky took her hand. “It’s understandable after what happened. You’re an intelligent woman, you should understand that.”

“What I know intellectually doesn’t change how I feel emotionally.” She stared down at Skylar’s slender fingers, relieved to be able to talk about it. “When I got that phone call, I thought Puffin Island was the perfect place to bring Lizzy. Secluded, miles away from her home, but I didn’t think about the other things.”

“You mean the sea?”

“Yes. I couldn’t have brought her to a worse place. All my phobias are concentrated in this one small island.”

“You love this island. We spent every summer here when we were in college.”

“That was different. I didn’t have a child to care for. I could think about myself. I helped Kathleen in the garden, I walked up through the woods, I spent time in the kitchen with her learning to bake—”

“So, you can still do those things.” Skylar put her glass down. “You don’t have to go to the beach, Em.”

“It’s right outside the door and she keeps asking.” She took a deep breath. “And I feel like a coward.”

“You’re not a coward. You had a terrible experience. And you’ve only been back on the island for a week. Give yourself time. There’s no shortage of things to do here. We just need to get her interested in things that don’t involve the sea.” Skylar suppressed a yawn. “I haven’t been to the harbor for ages. We’ll do that tomorrow. We’ll eat ice cream and you can take me to the Ocean Club. I want to try the chocolate milk Lizzy keeps talking about. And I want to meet Ryan.”

*

RYAN WAS SEATED at a table by the water talking to Alec when Kirsti strolled over to them.

“She’s back. I told you she was The One. She can’t stay away from you. And she brought a hot blonde for Alec.”