First Time in Forever (Puffin Island 1)

“You didn’t want to.”

“Beaches are dangerous places, do you understand me?” She released Lizzy enough to look into her face, and it was only when she saw the girl’s eyes widen and fill with tears that she realized she was shouting.

Shouting and shaking.

Oh, God, she was losing it.

She should never have come to Puffin Island. She could have been anonymous in a city. A city would have been a better choice.

“Emily.” Through a mist of panic she heard Ryan’s deep baritone, calm and steady. “Emily? What happened?”

She couldn’t answer. There was a weight on her chest, and she couldn’t breathe. Was she having a heart attack? Something terrible was happening to her. Through the mists of panic she felt his hand, firm and reassuring on her shoulder, and he was easing her away from Lizzy, telling her that everything was fine, that everything was going to be all right, that she had nothing to worry about.

Which showed how little he knew.

She had everything to worry about.

She shouldn’t be here, doing this. She was the wrong person.

Now that she was sure Lizzy was safe, she tried to stand up, but her legs were wobbly and unfit for their purpose. Fortunately Ryan must have realized because he drew her into his arms and held her, enveloping her with his strength as his body absorbed her shudders.

“She’s safe. Everything is fine.” It was all about the tone, not the words. His voice was deep and level, designed to reduce her panic. Except that her panic had gone too far to be reduced so easily. Her heart was pounding, and her breaths were coming in ragged gasps. She felt dizzy and detached, as if she were falling into a deep, dark hole. The loss of control terrified her.

“Ryan—”

“I know. I want you to stop taking those big gulping breaths because they’re making you dizzy. Close your mouth, pretend you’re blowing out a candle. That’s it. Just like that.” His hand moved up and down her spine, long, slow gentle strokes that soothed and calmed. “I’m here. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

She clung to his shoulders, to hard muscle and warm strength. He was the only solid, safe thing in her world, and she held on like a climber about to fall from a rock face. “Lizzy—”

“She’s safe, right here. You’re both safe.”

From somewhere in the darkness she heard Lizzy’s voice. “Is she sick? Is she going to die?”

She didn’t hear his response because the sky and his face started to spin together, and she realized with horrible clarity that she was going to pass out. And if she passed out she wouldn’t be there for the child. “She can’t go in the sea. She mustn’t go in the sea. Promise me.”

“No one is going in the sea.” His voice was strong and sure. “You need to relax.”

She tried to say something. Tried to tell him she couldn’t relax. She wanted to warn him he needed to take care of Lizzy, but then darkness poured in where there should have been light, and the last thing she remembered were powerful arms catching her as she fell.

*

HE’D NEVER SEEN anyone so pale. Lying on the sofa back in Castaway Cottage, Emily’s cheeks were as white as a Maine winter, the only color in her face the dark shadow of her lashes and the soft pink of her mouth. Still shaken by the moment she’d crumpled in front of him, Ryan reached for his phone and was about to call the medical center when she opened her eyes.

“Thank God.” He put the phone down so that he could have both hands free if she passed out on him again. “You had me seriously worried.” He’d handled panic attacks before, but none as acute and inexplicable as the one he’d just witnessed. He wanted to understand the cause. A glance at their surroundings had revealed nothing obvious, and gentle questioning of Lizzy had revealed no clues.

Emily struggled to sit up, but he pushed her flat and then wished he hadn’t. For the first time since he’d first met her, she had left her hair loose, but even those tumbling curls failed to hide the shape of her breasts clearly visible through the fabric of her pajamas. He’d found himself wishing that whatever had triggered the panic had occurred after she’d dressed.

He wondered what it said about him that she was lying there dazed and vulnerable, and he was thinking about sex.

“Stay there.” He shifted slightly, but his attempts to stop her sitting up had shifted her pajama top, giving him a perfect view of the swell and dip of her breasts. “Don’t move.” He spoke between his teeth, and she looked confused.

“Are you all right?” Emily asked.

“You scared the shit out of me.”

Her eyes were soft and dazed. “I’m sorry.”

Nowhere near as sorry as he was going to be if he didn’t get himself under control. “I’m calling a doctor.”