For Emily, it hadn’t happened as a teenager, it had happened a few weeks before when she’d first met Ryan. And the discovery process was ongoing. She was beginning to think she didn’t know herself at all. “What happened?”
“I met him a week before we were due to go back to Boston. Something clicked between us. I’d never met anyone I could talk to the way I could talk to him. We spent every moment together.” Lisa gave a humorless laugh. “I often wonder if that’s been the root of my problems. That one perfect week ruined me for anything afterward.”
“You didn’t stay in touch?”
“I tried. I sent him emails, but they bounced so I guess he gave me an email that didn’t work.” Lisa shrugged. “I thought about him all the time, but then I met Mike. I’ve often wondered if it was my fault he had all those affairs. Because I was too closed off. My heart hurt, and I didn’t want it to hurt again. Does that make any sense?”
Emily thought about the way she’d protected herself after her sister had died. “Perfect sense.”
“Maybe Mike knew there was a tiny part of me I kept from him.”
“Or maybe that had nothing to do with it. Did you think about leaving him?”
“All the time, but I didn’t want my babies to grow up without a father, and he was a good dad. If he’d been a terrible father I could have left for their sakes, but leaving for my own sake felt like the ultimate in selfishness.”
“Is it selfish to want a good life for yourself?”
“He was with one of his lovers when he died.” Lisa blurted the words out. “They had to cut both of them out of the car. I’m worried that one day the kids will look up the press coverage and find out the truth.”
“Oh, Lisa—” Emily reached across and took her hand.
“I just want to protect my babies.” Lisa’s eyes filled, and she groped for a tissue. “I want to stop anything bad happening to them. Isn’t that ridiculous?”
Emily’s mouth was dry as sand. “Why is it ridiculous?”
“Because you can’t control everything. It took me a long time to see that and realize there wasn’t anything I could have done. I couldn’t stop their father having an affair. I couldn’t stop him dying with his latest girlfriend in the car. I couldn’t stop the press finding out. All I could do was teach them to cope with whatever life threw at them. That’s the best lesson of all, isn’t it? I wanted to make sure they grew up strong and able to look after themselves. I didn’t want to fill their heads with my baggage because, life being what it is, I knew they’d probably pick up plenty of their own.”
“Don’t talk to me about baggage.” Emily sat back in her chair. “I suspect Lizzy and I could fill a cargo plane with no space left over.”
“But you have skills. You’re supporting yourself and Lizzy. I brought the twins here because I thought hard work and a dream would be enough. I wanted to get away from the sympathy and the pitying looks and live in a place where people didn’t know my rat bastard cheating husband had died in a car with his skinny lover.” She sniffed. “I wanted to show the twins I was strong, but all I’ve done is show them I have bad judgment. I’ve failed.”
“What you’ve shown them is that you’re not afraid to go after what you want. And if it doesn’t work out, then you’ll find a way to pick yourself up, and that’s a good lesson for any child because life is about falling and then getting up again. But it’s going to work out. You’re not going to fall. Not this time.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do.” Now that she knew the full story, she was even more determined to do what she could, even if she had to eat all the ice cream herself. “Providing Doug drops the rent and we can reduce some of your other costs, you’ll make enough to keep going. But we’re aiming for better than that. The boy you met that summer—you haven’t seen him since you’ve been back on the island?”
Lisa shook her head. “No. And he isn’t a boy now. Late twenties, I guess.”
“What did he look like?”
“Tall and dark. A bit like Ryan. He likes you, by the way.”
“Ryan?” Emily didn’t think “like” described what was going on between them. “He was Brittany’s best man. He’s keeping an eye on me because she threatened to kill him if he doesn’t.”
Lisa laughed. “Somehow I don’t think that’s what’s going on here. Are you interested?”
Emily thought about the slow kisses and the wild heat.
She was interested. And scared. The greater the emotion, the greater the capacity for hurt, and she knew this relationship could go nowhere.
“I have Lizzy. That’s more than enough to adjust to for now. And children are the perfect contraception.”
“True. On the other hand I might be able to help with that. Would you trust me with Lizzy?”
“I have trusted you with Lizzy. She’s sleeping upstairs with your kids.”
“I mean overnight. I swear if a photographer k