“Home. You said they’d been locking their doors since you came back home.”
Zach felt a strange pressure in his chest. “Slip of the tongue.”
“Right. Well, if your tongue ever felt like slipping again, it would make Celia feel good to hear you say that. You know we’ve always wanted you to think of this as your home.”
“Never could figure out why. You worked with a hundred kids more housebroken than I was. I didn’t deserve what you both gave me.” It was the closest he could get to a thank-you. After years of hiding everything and trying not to feel, he found it hard to identify emotions. Even harder to put words to those emotions.
“There were plenty of things that happened in your life that you didn’t deserve. Living with us wasn’t one of them.” There was a brief pause. “Camp Puffin is getting too much for me.”
It felt as if a hand had reached inside Zach’s chest and squeezed his heart.
“I know.” And knowing made him feel ill. He knew how much this place meant to Philip. Knew how much he needed it.
“The hospital wants to run a few more tests, but whatever those tests say the result will be the same. I need to do less. I can’t be as actively involved as I have been. I’m going to need more help running this place.”
“You wouldn’t be short of interested people.”
“Camp Puffin has been as much a part of my life as my home and family. There’s only one person I want to hand it to.”
Hearing something in his tone, Zach glanced at Philip and saw something he hadn’t expected to see.
Love. He saw love, and he knew that with love came expectations and following swiftly on from that, disappointment.
His mouth dried. Panic thudded into him. “No.”
This time the emotions were stronger. They came at him like a powerful crosswind, buffeting him off course so that he leaned on the railings to steady himself.
Next to him, Philip stirred. “Why not? You don’t have to do much more than you’re doing now.”
“The difference is that you’ll rely on me and you know that’s a mistake.” Discomfort and guilt made him irritable. “You know I’d let you down.”
“Why would you let me down?”
“It’s what I do best.”
“That’s not how I see it. Not how Celia sees it, either.”
“Then maybe the two of you aren’t looking hard enough.”
“Don’t sweat it. Just wanted to run it past you, that’s all. So what are you going to do about Brittany?” Philip’s tone was mild, the transition smooth, and Zach took a moment and breathed, relieved to be off the hook.
“Nothing. What would I do?”
“You could start by talking about what happened.”
“What would be the point of that? It happened. Talking about it doesn’t change anything.”
“Might change the way she feels about it if she understood. You could give her an explanation. Talk it through.”
“What would be the point of that?”
“The two of you had something special. Maybe you shouldn’t throw that away.”
“You’re ten years too late with that advice.”
“Would it have changed anything if I’d given it to you then?”
Zach thought about the way he’d felt. He’d married in a haze of panic, saw the hope and expectations in Brittany’s eyes as he slid that cheap ring on her finger, and wanted to run the whole time. “No.”