‘I love you like that,’ Bryony said quietly, ‘and I always have.’
There was a long, tense silence and then he shook his head. ‘We both know that isn’t true. There’s Lizzie’s father for a start.’
Bryony felt her heart thump heavily in her chest. She’d never talked about Lizzie’s father to anyone before. Never.
‘Lizzie’s father was my one attempt to get you out of my system,’ she said quietly, watching as his face drained of colour. ‘I’ve loved you all my life, Jack, but I resigned myself to the fact that you were never going to marry anyone. I decided that I needed to stop dreaming about you and get on with my life.’
He was staring at her. ‘That isn’t true.’
‘It’s true. I met Lizzie’s father at a party. He was good-looking and fun to be with—’
Jack’s mouth tightened. ‘Spare me the details.’
‘I thought you wanted the details.’
‘I don’t want to know that you found him attractive,’ he grated, and Bryony stared at him in exasperation, wondering if he realised just how contradictory he was being. One minute he was saying that he didn’t love her and the next he was showing all the signs of extreme jealousy.
‘We spent the night together,’ she said finally. ‘I was determined to forget about you.’
‘And it worked, yes?’ His eyes glittered strangely. ‘I mean, you’ve never given even the slightest hint that you cared about me, so it must have worked.’
She sighed. ‘I didn’t give the slightest hint that I cared about you because you would have done what you’re doing now. Panic. And, no, it didn’t work. At least, not in the sense that you mean. It taught me that I’m a one-man woman, and that man is you, Jack.’
‘But you slept with him.’
She blushed and gave a wry smile. ‘Just the once.’
‘And then you slept with other men—yes?’
She shook her head. ‘No other men. There didn’t seem any point when none of them were you.’
He ran a hand over the back of his neck, visibly shaken by her admission. ‘You’re saying that last night was only the second time you’ve had sex in your life?’
She nodded. ‘That’s right, Jack. Why? Did I disappoint?’
There was a faint sheen of sweat on his brow. ‘You know you didn’t disappoint.’ He let out a long breath and closed his eyes briefly. ‘Blond—Bryony, I don’t know what to say.’
‘Say that you love me, too,’ she croaked, ‘because I know you do, Jack. I saw it in your eyes last night.’
He shook his head, his expression bleak as he looked at her. ‘I can’t say that.’ His voice was hoarse. ‘I wish I could, but I can’t. You know I don’t do commitment, Bryony.’
‘Yes, you do.’ She tipped her head on one side and watched him. ‘You have been there for me for every second of the last twenty-
two years, Jack, and since Lizzie was born you’ve been there for her, too. If that isn’t commitment, then I don’t know what is. I know you love me, Jack.’
She knew she was pushing him and her heart was thudding in her chest as she anticipated his reaction. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, but what did she have to lose?
He shook his head. ‘I can’t be what you want me to be. I’d let you down. I’d let Lizzie down.’
‘I don’t believe that,’ she said softly. ‘I know that you had a terrible childhood. I know that your parents had a terrible marriage, but they never loved each other. That was so obvious. We do. We really love each other. We were always meant to be together.’
‘Is that why you slept with me last night?’ His eyes burned into hers. ‘Because you thought I’d say—I’d say those three words?’
Which he couldn’t even bring himself to say as part of a conversation, Bryony observed sadly.
‘I slept with you because it felt right and because I love you,’ she said quietly. ‘I’m not trying to trap you, Jack. You’re my best friend. It’s just that I know you love me, too.’
‘That’s not true.’