‘Fine? Miranda, do not, for one moment, think that you’re going to be allowed to pretend that last night didn’t happen.’
‘I know it happened.’ How could she not, when the memories were still so clear in her head?
‘And do you also know that I love you?’ He spoke softly and then raised himself up on one arm and looked down at her with a gentle smile. ‘You’re beautiful and good and I want you to be my wife. And, just in case you think I say those words to all the girls, you ought to know that I’ve never said that to anyone in my life before now.’
His wife?
Her stomach dropped and she looked into those sexy blue eyes and wished that her life wasn’t filled with mountains to conquer. No matter how much she loved him, and she did love him, she’d never be able to say yes. She owed it to the baby to refuse him.
‘No, Jake.’
‘It isn’t difficult, Miranda. All you have to do is say you love me, too, and I know you do.’
He was so confident, she thought enviously. Not arrogant, just very sure of himself.
‘I care about you,’ she said finally, her voice slow and still slightly husky from sleep. ‘Of course I do. You’ve been an amazing friend to me, Jake.’
If she confessed that she loved him, there was no way he’d take no for an answer.
‘Friend?’ One dark brow lifted as he studied her face. ‘Last night had absolutely nothing to do with friendship, Miranda.’
‘Last night should never have happened. I was tired and emotional. I told you things that I’ve never shared with anyone and I probably shouldn’t have said it to you but…’ She tried to look away from him but he caught her chin in gentle fingers so that she was forced to look at him.
‘Are you saying that I took advantage of you?’
‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘I’m saying that I needed comfort and you—’ She broke off and he sighed.
‘Miranda, last night wasn’t about comfort. Comfort was the box of tissues and the hug I gave you in the kitchen. Comfort was the hot chocolate that you didn’t drink before you went to bed. What we shared last night had nothing whatsoever to do with comfort. It was hot sex and you know it.’
Memories heated her body and she closed her eyes tightly, trying to block it out and return to reality. The reality of her life. ‘For goodness’ sake, Jake—’
‘Stop right there.’ He put his fingers over her mouth. ‘If this is this is the part where you remind me that you’re pregnant, I don’t want to hear it. I haven’t forgotten that fact, angel. I love the fact that you’re pregnant and I’m waiting for you to say that you’ll marry me so that I can spend the next few weeks getting used to the idea of finally being a father. I’m aiming to be that ridiculously perfect dad that you’ve always dreamed about. I’m ready to adopt the baby as my own. I’m ready to love it as my own, if you’ll let me.’
Miranda lay there, staring temptation in the face. She loved him, she knew that without a doubt. She loved him for the man he was. But nothing changed the fact that she was having another man’s child.
And she, better than anyone, understood the implications of that.
‘It would always come between us,’ she whispered, ‘if not now, then later. He or she might be naughty and you’d be fed up.’
His mouth tightened and she saw a flash of anger in his eyes. ‘Let’s get one thing straight right now—I’m not your stepfather and I never will be. Neither am I the man who fathered your baby, which I’m actually glad about because he doesn’t sound like much of a human being. I love you, Miranda, and I love the baby, too, because it’s part of you. And that love is unconditional. Family life isn’t always smooth and doesn’t come with guarantees, I know that. And all children are naughty sometimes, that’s what childhood is all about. And I’m sure that sometimes I will get fed up because I’m human just like you, but I’m never going to regret being a father to the baby, I’m not going to bail out, if that’s what worries you, and I’m not going to hit anyone. Unless someone threatens a member of my family, that isn’t my style.’
She knew from the dangerous gleam in his eyes that he was thinking about her landlord and something shifted inside her. He’d defended her.
‘I know it seems simple to you, but I can’t risk it, Jake.’ She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, unable to watch the pain in his eyes. She told herself that she was doing them both a favour. She was saving three people from greater hurt. ‘We should never have done what we did last night because now our relationship is awkward. I’ll move out. I should have found somewhere long ago but it was so comfortable here and…’ And she’d loved being with Jake. She left the words unspoken and rose out of bed, determined to make it to the bathroom before she made a fool of herself.
She seemed to spend her entire life crying at the moment, she reflected as she bolted the door behind her and sank down onto the edge of the bath.
She was doing the right thing, she knew she was.
But if she was doing the right thing, why did it feel so hard?
CHAPTER TEN
OVER the next week or two, the weather grew colder still and Miranda found it impossible to feel anything but tired and miserable.
She thought she’d be relieved to give up work but once she did she found that she missed the friendship of her colleagues on the labour ward. She felt as though she’d made lifetime friends. For the first time in her life she felt as though she was home.
But home was becoming a touchy subject.