‘The midwife was from another hospital and she panicked—I suppose because she knew Carly was the wife of a consultant. There was a delay. By the time I returned to the room it was horrendous. I thought we were going to lose Posy, so in the end I took over charge of the delivery—I couldn’t trust anyone else at that point. And I had no choice but to do a Caesarean section.’ He pulled a face at the memory. ‘If I’d been there all the time—monitored her—I might have been able to do everything differently.’
‘And another woman’s baby might have died,’ Hayley said softly, tears in her eyes. He’d performed an emergency Caesarean section on his own wife—to save the life of his own baby. ‘You must have nerves of steel to have been able to do that.’
‘I had no choice. To be honest, I blocked it out. I didn’t let myself think, This is my wife, my baby.’
‘Patrick, that must have been so hard. You had to make decisions that no man should have to make.’
‘Carly didn’t see it that way,’ Patrick said roughly. ‘She thought I’d let her down, and maybe I did—I don’t know. I go over it in my head again and again. What didn’t I see? What did I miss?’
‘You didn’t miss anything,’ Hayley said quietly. ‘I’m sure of that. You’re a brilliant obstetrician.’
‘But a lousy husband,’ Patrick said softly, and Hayley shook her head.
‘No. You were put in an impossible position. But I don’t understand why Carly was so upset. If she knew the other lady would have lost her baby…’
‘I think she just panicked and I wasn’t there,’ Patrick said wearily. ‘And when I was there I was focused on saving her and Posy, not on stroking her arm and telling her I loved her. In fact, I pretty much ignored her emotional trauma at the time—I just didn’t want her to bleed to death or Posy to die. But I see now that I made it much, much worse. If Tom or one of the others had been on duty it would have been different, but you can’t be an obstetrician and a husband at the same time.’
‘That’s why you sacrificed your Christmas day to help Tom and Sally.’
Patrick leaned back against the bath and closed his eyes. ‘I just know what it’s like trying to play both roles—and it’s not good. Anyway, Carly was furious about the section—she hated having a scar.’
‘Having seen the way you work, I doubt she had much of a scar.’
‘It was more than she could cope with.’
‘Wasn’t she relieved that you’d saved Posy?’
‘If anything, she saw that as more evidence that I didn’t care for her.’ Patrick opened his eyes and looked at her. ‘The one thing I didn’t tell you was that she got pregnant on purpose that first time—she confessed as much to me after one too many glasses of wine one night. She was shocked it only took once, but thrilled with herself. She said that all she ever wanted was to marry a doctor. But the reality wasn’t what she expected and she became more and more unhappy.’
‘Did you love her?’
Patrick hesitated. ‘I adored the children, and she knew that. She always said I only cared about the children. I used to try and get back from the hospital in time to bath them and put them to bed, and then I’d go back to work again and sometimes stay out all night. It’s hardly surprising my marriage collapsed.’
‘She has to take responsibility for it too,’ Hayley said stoutly. ‘She forced you into that position.’
‘I shouldn’t have married her, but that was just one of many mistakes I made with Carly, the first being the fact I took her to bed in the first place,’ he said wearily. ‘My second mistake was trusting her to take care of contraception—I take full responsibility for that. It was carelessly irresponsible of me, but I can’t feel too sorry about it because if it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have Alfie.’
And she knew how much he adored his son. ‘So what happened two years ago? Why did she suddenly walk out?’
Patrick gave a short laugh. ‘It was a pretty memorable Christmas. Daniel proposed to Stella on Christmas Eve and we all opened a bottle of champagne and Carly had made an elaborate celebration lunch. Just as she put it on the table—’
‘Your phone went and you had to go to the hospital?’
Patrick gave a faint smile. ‘How did you guess? There was no way I could delegate it. This lady was having triplets and I was concerned about them.’
‘Triplets? Wow.’ Hayley slid closer to him. ‘I’ve never delivered triplets. Sorry, go on.’
‘When I arrived back from the hospital there was a taxi in the drive and Carly was waiting by the door with her bags packed. She’d already told the children she couldn’t live with me any more.’
‘Oh, God, Patrick, no.’ Hayley’s heart ached at what that must have done to Alfie, who would have been old enough to understand. ‘And that was it? What about access? Seeing them?’
‘She doesn’t see them,’ Patrick said coldly. ‘Don’t ask me why.’
Hayley tried to imagine a woman not wanting to see her children but failed. ‘Do you think it’s because she loved you so much she just had to make a clean break?’
; Patrick gave her an odd look. ‘That’s the generous interpretation,’ he said softly, lowering his head to kiss her gently. ‘I don’t think that. I think she wanted to start afresh and the children would have held her back. If you want my honest opinion, I’m not sure she ever really wanted children. I think they were just part of the lifestyle package she wanted for herself. An acquisition. Like a new kitchen,’ he said wryly, ‘only more work.’