Pushing open the door of the staffroom, he saw Sally sitting there, talking to Tom.
‘Hi, Patrick.’ Sally gave a sheepish smile. ‘I was bored with the ward so I came up here for a change. How are you doing?’
‘Fine, thanks.’ Patrick barely registered her. ‘Have either of you seen Hayley?’
‘No. Why?’ Tom frowned. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be operating?’
‘I’m on my way there now.’ Patrick paused, frustrated that he hadn’t been able to find her. ‘If you see Hayley, will you tell her I was looking for her?’
Sally winked at him. ‘We certainly will.’
Hayley sat in the toilet, staring down at the test in her hand. It had taken her less than fifteen minutes to grab her coat, sprint to the nearest chemist and buy the test.
And now she was staring at the irrefutable proof that she was pregnant.
She was having Patrick’s baby.
How ironic, she thought numbly, that having his baby would mean
the end of their relationship. And she knew that it would. Their relationship was too new, too fragile. And given Patrick’s past…
It was the cruellest irony.
She couldn’t tell him.
She had to keep it from him or he’d feel obliged to do the same thing he’d done with Carly. He was a responsible guy, wasn’t he? He’d want to do ‘the right thing’.
Only what was the right thing?
Marriage certainly hadn’t been right for him.
And it hadn’t been right for her mother either.
And what about the children? Alfie, Posy and—Hayley rested a hand low on her abdomen—her baby.
She knew better than anyone that step-families could be a disaster. She thought of the resentment that her step-siblings had felt when she’d arrived in their family. Did she want to do that to three more children? Alfie and Posy liked her, she knew that. But this was something different entirely. This was huge.
She had to make a decision. And she hated decisions. And of all the decisions she’d ever had to make in her life, this was the hardest.
Should she tell him? Yes, of course she should. He had a right to know. But if she told him, he’d talk her out of going and it would be for all the wrong reasons.
He didn’t want her to be pregnant, she knew that.
Remembering his face when he’d opened the door to her on Christmas Eve, Hayley gave a choked sob. He’d braced himself for hearing that she was pregnant and it was impossible to forget his relief when she’d told him she wasn’t. So, knowing that, what choice did she have?
Obviously he adored his children, but he’d made it clear that he didn’t want another relationship that was held together only by a pregnancy.
So the right thing to do—the only decision—was to leave.
Pretend their relationship just wasn’t working.
And she had no idea how she was supposed to do that convincingly.
How was she supposed to pretend to be miserable?
As the tears dripped onto her hand she almost laughed at herself. She was miserable. Horribly miserable. She wouldn’t have to act at all. She just needed to not tell him the real reason. For once in her life she had to keep her thoughts locked inside her.
Hayley spread icing on the top of the cup cakes and watched with a lump in her throat as Posy carefully pressed a chocolate button into the centre of each one.