A Night of Scandal
Page 42
Locked away sounded good to him. ‘Everyone is different.’
‘She’s trying to help you. In all my years I never met a kinder, warmer person than Miss Katie.’
‘I don’t need anyone’s help.’
‘Depends where you’re standing.’ Ben picked up Katie’s abandoned cup. ‘I’ll clear up this mess.’ The message was clear. Nathaniel was supposed to clear up the other mess. The one he’d made.
Cursing himself for allowing his guard to drop, Nathaniel abandoned the coffee and strode along the little path that wound through the tropical gardens down to the beach.
One conversation, he promised himself. One.
He found her on the perfect curve of soft sand that was Turtle Cove, her yellow sundress blending with the sand, her dark hair tumbling down her back.
Remembering the way she’d looked when she’d first arrived on the island, Nathaniel felt something twist inside him. She’d lost her dull, brown feathers and now she reminded him of an exotic bird. And last night—
‘Katie …’
She didn’t turn but her shoulders grew a little stiffer. ‘I want to be by myself.’
Nathaniel would have loved to have taken that claim at face value but Ben’s voice was still ringing in his ears, and on top of that his conscience, which rarely even got out of bed in the morning, was now working overtime.
‘Look—’ his tone was impatient ‘—you have to understand that this isn’t easy for me. I don’t do relationships, not the sort you dream about anyway. I have short term, mutually convenient affairs with women who don’t want any more connection than I do. You’re different. For God’s sake, Katie—’ he dragged his hand through his hair ‘—you’d never even been with a man before.’
‘I don’t want to talk about this.’
He felt a flash of exasperation. ‘Why not? You want to talk about everything else. I know you’re upset because I didn’t stay in bed this morning—’
‘I’m upset because last night I saw the real Nathaniel, and now you’ve turned back into the movie star. I don’t know you like this.’
And that was the idea, wasn’t it?
Staring at the back of her head, Nathaniel felt as though there was a battle going on in his brain. ‘I’m not good at being the “real Nathaniel,”’ he ground out. ‘I’m not good at letting people know me.’
‘You prefer to hide behind the actor.’
‘Yes.’ The admission was easier than he’d thought it would be. ‘It’s what I’ve always done.’
She turned then and he saw the wetness on her cheeks. Guilt lanced through him, sharp as a blade. Usually when women used tears they left him unaffected. Seeing Katie’s reddened eyes made his insides clench with panic.
‘Don’t cry,’ he breathed. ‘Don’t do that ….’
‘Answer me something honestly.’ Her voice was croaky. ‘Is it Carrie? I know you said you weren’t having an affair with her, but—’
‘It isn’t Carrie.’ Just saying the name made him want to turn and run, but he fought it. He knew he ought to tell her the truth about Carrie, but he’d carried the secret for too long to part with it easily. ‘It’s nothing to do with Carrie. It’s me. This is who I am.’
She was silent and that silence was another tug on his conscience. Nathaniel scanned her face. ‘Say something. Yell at me. Tell me what I should be feeling, doing …’ He looked at her desperately. ‘It’s not like you to be silent.’
‘You don’t like it when I talk.’
‘I do.’ It came as a surprise to realise it was true. ‘Yesterday when we were on that boat, and you were saying
everything that came into your head—’
‘I drove you nuts.’
‘No, I enjoyed it. A lot. I really like the way you say what you’re thinking.’
‘You never say what you’re thinking.’ Her gaze was steady. ‘And I find it impossible to tell what’s real. With you, it’s all too easy to get it wrong because you’re so good at what you do.’