‘Well, now you’ve seen me so you can leave.’ His emotions in turmoil, Nathaniel turned to walk away but Jacob caught his arm.
‘I’m not leaving. I’m here to stay.’
Nathaniel stood still, staring down at the hand that held his arm. Those hands had hauled him out of the lake and saved his life. Those hands had been responsible for the death of his father. Katie’s words rang in his head. He’s trying to make amends—you need to stop running.
Nathaniel scanned the rigid, forbidding lines of his half-brother’s face and saw the same shadows that darkened his own life. And more. He saw pain and self-recrimination. Guilt and self-loathing. ‘You look wrecked.’
‘Thanks.’ Jacob’s laugh was devoid of humour. ‘You look pretty rough yourself for a guy who’s supposed to be the sexiest man on earth. Makes me wonder what the others look like.’
Despite the anger, Nathaniel’s mouth curved into a reluctant smile. ‘Ugly.’
‘Too much post-Sapphire partying?’
Nathaniel didn’t mention the fact that he’d skipped all the Sapphire parties to go after Katie. By the time he’d extracted himself from the hundreds of well-wishers and press, he’d arrived home to find the villa empty. She’d gone. Without telling him her news.
The emptiness in the pit of his stomach was something he’d never experienced before. This is what he did, wasn’t it? He lived his life alone. He kept people at a distance.
If you don’t care, you don’t have anything to lose.
Jacob took a few steps forward, his eyes on the lake. ‘What brought you back here?’
‘Honestly? A woman accused me of being a coward so I thought I’d better just test the theory.’ He blew clouds in the freezing air and Jacob gave a wry smile.
‘You used to do that all the time when you were a kid. You pretended to be a dragon breathing fire. You were always entertaining us, pretending to be something. For you, it was a way out.’
‘We did what we had to. You took up rugby to hide the bruises.’
Jacob’s eyes were shadowed. ‘Have you found a way to balance the make-believe with reality?’
Reality? Reality was what he’d shared with Katie.
And he’d walked away from it. Nathaniel stared at the glassy surface of the lake. No monsters, he thought. No ghosts. Just a dank, dark pool of water. ‘I gave Carrie my Sapphire.’
‘I heard your speech. Did she make the connection?’
Nathaniel was silent for a moment. ‘I think she did. For a short time anyway. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part.’
Jacob hesitated and then closed a hand over his shoulder. ‘It was so hard for you and Sebastian.’
‘Harder for Sebastian—she didn’t even acknowledge his existence.’
‘Whatever William may have told you, your mother loved you. When she took you into the water that night, she believed she was protecting you from our father. She was ill ….’
Nathaniel stood rigid and unresponsive. It was the first time a member of his family had touched him since the night Jacob had walked out years before.
‘Why didn’t you hit me back?’
‘Just now?’ Jacob gave a crooked smile. ‘Because I deserved it. Don’t worry, I’m only allowing you the one. I thought you were going to leap off stage and punch me that night at the theatre.’
‘I couldn’t believe it when I saw you in the front row.’
‘I wanted to see you. I should have let you know I was coming, but I suppose I was afraid you wouldn’t want to see me. I was cowardly.’
‘Seems we’ve all been guilty of that.’
‘I left you all—’ Jacob’s voice was raw ‘—and you were just children. I don’t blame you for hating me.’
Twenty years of pain and resentment melted away. Emotions left over from childhood suddenly seemed irrelevant. ‘I don’t hate you. You were hardly more than a child yourself.’ It was what Katie had said, and suddenly Nathaniel knew it was true. He stood, thinking about how it must have been for Jacob. Just eighteen, with the death of his father on his conscience and no one to turn to, his only human contact a ragged bunch of out-of-control children. Damaged, all of them.