It appeared that her marriage was well and truly over and that wasn’t what she wanted. It wasn’t what she’d ever wanted.
Everything had gone utterly, miserably wrong and it was mostly her fault for leaving in the first place.
It didn’t matter that she’d intended him to follow her the same day and make up.
All that mattered was that she adored him and that he didn’t seem to want her with him any more.
And every time she tried to remind herself that last night he’d been loving and caring, that over the past days he’d listened to her and treated her like a woman, nothing changed the fact that he hadn’t told her that she couldn’t leave.
And Alessandro had never, ever had problems saying what he wanted.
So if he hadn’t asked her then there was only one possible explanation.
He was hoping that she’d go back to London.
CHAPTER TEN
SHE spent Christmas Eve with the children and they went for a walk in the forest, stamping footprints into virgin snow and piercing the muffled silence with their excited squeals.
After the inevitable snowball fight, they returned to the barn wet and happy and Christy set about drying clothes and making dinner.
Would this be the last time she did this?
Would this be their last ever Christmas as a family?
She stood for a moment and looked around the kitchen, the kitchen she’d chosen so carefully. Three more days. In three more days she’d be leaving this and she’d probably never cook in this room again.
Tears stung her eyes.
‘Mum, I want to leave a chocolate roll for Santa.’ Ben was beside her, his eyes huge and shining, a pair of furry brown antlers jammed onto his head. ‘Everyone leaves mince pies and he must be really bored with it, don’t you think? I mean mince pies are great, but if you think of the population of the world, that’s a lot of pastry, isn’t it?’
Blinking back the tears, Christy smiled and reached into the cupboard for a little chocolate roll. ‘Good idea,’ she said huskily. ‘Leave him this with a little note. I’m sure he’ll be really pleased.’
‘And carrots for the reindeer.’ Ben squinted up at her, the bells on his antlers jangling. ‘Why are you crying?’
‘Me? Crying? Never.’ Her smile widened and she wondered if her face would crack with the effort. ‘I’ve been chopping onions for tea.’
‘I hate onions.’
‘They’re for Daddy’s tea,’ Christy said quickly, turning her back on him and washing her hands. ‘Go and put that cake out now, before you forget.’
‘I can’t wait for Daddy to come home so we can hang up our stockings like we always do.’
Family tradition. Routine.
Thinking of Ben’s innocent face, Christy thought her heart might break.
Why did life have to go so very wrong? Wasn’t there something she could have done to have fixed it?
Was this all her fault?
Katy wandered into the room. ‘I love Christmas Eve even more than I love Christmas.’
Pulling herself together, Christy turned round, the smile still in place. ‘Why’s that?’
‘Because you have all the excitement and anticipation. It’s all still to come.’ Katy danced round the kitchen, her ponytail swinging. ‘And Christmas Eve feels so Christmassy. More Christmassy than Christmas Day. Tomorrow’s going to be brilliant, isn’t it, Mum?’
‘Yes.’