He was behaving like a cool professional while all she wanted was for him to hug her and tell her that he loved her. But she’d sent him away, hadn’t she? She’d told him that she didn’t want him in her life.
She grabbed his hand and closed her eyes. ‘I’m scared—’ She broke off as another pain hit her and he waited for it to pass and then gently disengaged himself and stood up.
‘Where are you going?’ There was a distinct note of panic in her voice and he gave her a reassuring smile.
‘For some reason unknown to me, I have a sterile cord clamp in my car so I’m going to fetch that and then I’m going to wash my hands. I think I’m about to deliver a baby.’
She closed her eyes with a groan of denial. ‘I can’t believe this is happening.’ Then she gave a gasp. ‘Jake! I want to push. Oh—I can feel the head.’
‘Don’t push until I’ve washed my hands.’ He strode out of the room but was back moments later with an armful of towels and sheets.
‘I can feel the head, Jake.’ She grabbed his hand again, ‘I’m scared.’
‘There’s nothing to be scared about. Miranda, I just need to take a look and see what’s happening.’ His voice was gentle and calm and suddenly she wasn’t embarrassed any more, she was just worried.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
‘It’s far too quick! Don’t let anything happen to the baby. What if the cord is round the neck? What if there’s something wrong with the foetal heart and we don’t even know because I’m not on a monitor?’ The words came out in a rush and she broke off as another pain hit and the desire to push was so intense that she could do nothing except follow the instructions of her body.
‘The head’s coming now, Miranda. Stop pushing. Stop pushing, angel. Pant, that’s right… Good girl. Everything’s fine.’
She closed her eyes tightly and tried to get her breath back but then another pain swamped her and her body pushed the baby out and into Jake’s waiting arms. The baby howled angrily and Miranda sat back with a rush of relief.
‘Is the baby all right?’ She felt completely shocked by the speed and violence of it all. If Jake hadn’t been there, she didn’t know what she would have done.
‘Not a baby. A little girl, and she seems absolutely fine.’ Jake’s voice was strangely flat. ‘She’s beautiful. Well done.’
He placed the baby carefully in her arms and she stared down at the tiny, perfect features with wonder in her eyes. The howls turned to whimpers as the baby nuzzled Miranda’s breast.
‘Good idea.’ Brisk and businesslike, Jake settled himself into a more comfortable position. ‘Feed her, Miranda, if you can. I don’t have any drugs with me. Nothing to help your uterus contract so we’re going to have to do this the way that nature intended as well. Physiological third stage. Feed her. It will help your uterus contract.’
Some women opted to have a physiological third stage, but Miranda knew that the risks of bleeding were greater and understood why Jake was now paying her more attention than ever. He was worried that she might bleed and he had no access to a telephone.
He was a doctor doing his job.
And he didn’t seem at all interested in the baby.
She undid the buttons of her maternity dress and gently lifted the baby to her breast. With remarkably little encouragement, the baby latched onto her nipple and sucked happily. Miranda breathed a sigh of relief but suddenly the happiness of the birth mingled with despair. She wanted to say something, want to speak, but none of the words in her head felt right.
Seemingly oblivious to her emotional state, Jake slid a hand over her abdomen, checking her uterus. ‘Everything feels fine.’
And everything was fine. The placenta came away easily and Jake breathed a sigh of relief.
‘I don’t know what you midwives complain about.’ He dragged a forearm over his forehead and gave a lopsided smile. ‘Piece of cake. I’m just going to wash my hands and find another heater to put in here. This room isn’t warm enough for her.’
He vanished for a moment and the returned with two heaters, a drink for Miranda and the phone in his hand.
‘The phone’s working again. I want you to go into hospital, Miranda. She looks fine to me and you look fine, too, but it was all a bit quick for my liking and the roads are so bad that we wouldn’t be able to get you to hospital in a hurry if it suddenly became necessary.’
Miranda frowned. ‘Do I have to?’
‘Just for tonight. Oh, by the way, there was a message on the machine. Someone about a flat. The landlord told you it wasn’t available until the spring but apparently the tenants have found somewhere else and are moving today, so it’s yours whenever you want it.’
She waited for him to say something about not wanting her to leave but he said nothing at all, just finished clearing up, fetched her a few things that he knew she’d need and made a few notes to give to the ambulance crew.
And he still didn’t look at the baby.
Which meant only one thing as far as she was concerned. He wasn’t interested in her, Miranda thought miserably, holding back the tears that threatened.