How to Keep a Secret

“With that Caroline woman? Nana talks about her sometimes.”

“She dumped him.”

“That’s not the way Nana tells it.”

“Well it’s how it was. Ed was devastated. Maybe that’s why the two of us clicked, to begin with at least. We were both hurting and we formed a friendship. Ed told me about his relationship, I told him about mine. And I told him I was pregnant.”

“He knew?”

“Yes. I told him I was trying to work out how to tell Grams. He was the one who suggested we get married.”

Mack looked taken aback. “But you’d only just met.”

“I know it sounds crazy, but I liked Ed a lot. I knew we could be happy together.”

“But you weren’t insanely in love like you were with the other guy?”

How was she supposed to answer that? “I loved Ed. Was it different to the way I felt about your father? Yes, but that didn’t make it less real. Ed and I liked and respected each other. Friendship and respect can be an excellent basis for a marriage. And we were honest with each other right from the start. That’s what true intimacy is. We told each other everything.”

Or so she’d thought. She’s not our problem.

It had grown dark outside and Lauren leaned forward and flicked on the bedside lamp.

“I’m sorry I blurted it out that way, in front of everyone.” Mack’s voice was small and threaded with guilt.

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you. It’s our fault, all of it. As parents we tried to do what we believed was best, but maybe we got it wrong.”

“Why didn’t Ed adopt me?”

Regret shot through her. She wished now that they tackled this subject years ago, together. “He always intended to, but it would have meant contacting your real father and neither of us wanted to do that. So we put it off and—” she swallowed “—somehow it didn’t happen.” She decided not to mention that Ed couldn’t have children of his own, or his fears about Gwen not accepting a granddaughter who wasn’t her flesh and blood. She didn’t need to add to Mack’s insecurities. “But the one thing you have to know is that Ed loved you. He couldn’t have loved you more even if you’d been his, or if he’d adopted you.”

“Yeah, right. So what happens now?”

Hearing the quiver in her daughter’s voice, Lauren decided honesty was probably the best approach. “Nana is very upset, but I’ll try to talk to her and—”

“I mean, what’s going to happen now it’s the two of us? What will we do? How will we live?”

She had no idea, and it terrified her. But she was a mother. It was her job to reassure her child and tell her everything would be fine. But how could it be fine without Ed?

“Ed made provisions for you in his will, so you don’t have to worry about the future. We will carry on living here, in our home, doing the things we’ve always done.”

“Without Ed.”

“Without Ed.” Her stomach lurched. She felt as if she’d been dropped in a desert with no map and minimal survival skills. “This horrible, horrible thing happened to us, Mack, and we’re going to feel sad and it’s going to be difficult but eventually, one day, it will get better.” Please let it get better. Please don’t let that be a lie. She desperately wanted her daughter to be okay. She wanted to be okay because the thought of feeling like this forever was terrifying. “We have to be strong, Mack, and deal with things a day at a time. We’ll do it together. Warrior women, that’s us.” Wishing she believed it, she leaned forward and hugged her daughter, but Mack pushed her away.

That rejection felt like the worst thing of all.

She wondered what Jenna was doing. Had she called their mother? That was another conversation Lauren wasn’t looking forward to. “I’m going to go and check on Aunt Jenna. Will you join us?”

“Maybe later.” Mack curled up under the covers. “Have you ever seen him again? My real dad?”

Lauren felt her heart kick against her chest. “No. We’ve never seen each other again.”

“So you don’t know where he is or what he’s doing? He could be married with six kids.”

The thought of it made it difficult to breathe. “I don’t think so.”

There was a pause. “Am I like him?”