How to Keep a Secret

She eased away and took a juddering breath. “Has he gone?”

“Gone?”

“Scott. He’s probably packing the boat right now so that he and Captain can sail to a place that doesn’t have a teenage population.”

“Is that what you want him to do?”

“No.” She rubbed her hand over her face. “I like him, but I’m sure he hates me now. He’s probably thinking he did the right thing leaving before I was born.”

“He’s not thinking that, and Scott’s leaving had nothing to do with you. He’s never been part of a family the way we have. He doesn’t know what it’s like to have people stick by you, no matter what. To be able to be yourself and make mistakes and know you’ll still be loved. He was scared out of his mind.”

Mack couldn’t imagine Scott being scared of anything. “He’s very strong. He can do a hundred push-ups without breaking into a sweat. And he has this quiet way about him that makes you pay attention. Cal in the boatyard told me he once broke up a fight just by walking into the bar. He didn’t say a word, but they all took one look at him and backed away. I get that. What I don’t get is him being scared of anything.”

“There are different types of scared. Scott was terrified of letting me down, and terrified of letting you down but most of all terrified of letting himself down and finding out he couldn’t be the person he was trying so hard to be.”

“That’s crazy. Scott is great. He’s so calm.”

“He wasn’t calm after you yelled. He was worried he’d messed it up and driven you away.”

Mack sniffed. “He’s worried about driving me away?”

“Yes, so I don’t think you’re going to be able to shake him off that easily. He is trying very hard to get it right this time.”

The relief was enormous. “I am sorry, Mom. I should have thought more about you. I should have made you tea in bed and stuff.”

Lauren laughed. “No, not that!”

Mack eased away and gave a watery grin. “What’s wrong with my tea?”

“You make terrible tea.”

“Sometimes I boil the water and forget about it, so by the time I make the tea the water isn’t hot but I wouldn’t call it terrible exactly.”

“It’s terrible. Even thinking about it makes my stomach roll.” Lauren leaned in and gave her another hug and Mack closed her eyes.

“Mom?”

“Mmm?”

“If you and Scott—well, you know—I mean that’s okay.”

&n

bsp; “We’re not anything. I was upset because of that meeting at the bank and other things and Scott is a good listener and somehow things—” There was a pause. “Believe me, Mack, there is nothing that you’re thinking that I haven’t already thought. It’s too soon, all wrong. How could I do this to Ed? It’s not fair to you.”

Her grandmother was right. Her mom thought about everyone but herself. “How about you?”

“What about me?”

“You’re thinking about Ed and you’re thinking about me—but what about what you want? You’re important, too. What you want matters.” Mack felt her cheeks burn. “You have a right to be happy, Mom. I want you to be happy and Ed would have wanted that, too.” And she was going to find a way to get that pause button installed on her feelings. “And while we’re on the subject, the things I said about Ed not being my dad. I didn’t mean that. He was totally my dad. I mean, he took me to swimming lessons every Saturday and that must have been pretty boring.” She was relieved to see her mother smile.

“He loved you. He would have done anything for you. You were the child he’d always wanted.” Lauren paused. “Ed couldn’t have children of his own, Mack, and he wanted them badly. He wanted you.”

Mack felt a stab of shock and sadness. “He couldn’t have them? That’s why I never got a baby brother or sister?”

“That’s right.” Her mother rubbed her arm gently. “But it didn’t matter because we had you. Ed thought of you as his daughter in every way.”

Mack felt as if a big lump had lodged itself behind her ribs. “It would have been nice to have known that, so I could have been better at it.” It made her feel bad to think about the times she’d been less than perfect.