Through a fog, she felt him take her hands in his.
“You’re going to be fine, honey. Breathe slowly. That’s it.” He held her hands tightly and gently stroked her wrists with his thumbs. “This isn’t like you.”
It was like her, but of course he’d never seen this side of her. He saw Work Hannah, and Barefoot-Eating-Pizza-from-the-Box Hannah. He’d never met Panic-Attack Hannah.
Slowly, gradually, the terrifying panic loosened its grip, leaving her weak and exposed, and with a whole new problem.
She’d believed she could talk her way out of anything, but she had no idea how to talk her way out of this.
Her fingers were freezing and even the firm pressure of his hands did nothing to warm them.
She registered the slow stroke of his thumbs on her skin and the reassuring pressure of his fingers.
Could a panic attack hurt a baby?
She needed to do the test so that she knew what she was dealing with.
“Not feeling well. A bug—it’s going around.” She knew that what she had wasn’t contagious, but she didn’t intend to share that fact.
“Something upset you. Was it Angie?” He cupped her cheek and she leaned into his hand, allowing herself that single moment of intimacy.
She knew with a terrifying clarity that once she did the test there would be no hiding the result from him. She wouldn’t be able to take time to think about it. He always saw through her.
She stood up carefully, testing the strength in her legs. “We have a meeting to get to.”
Adam rose to his feet, too. “A meeting you’re in no shape to attend. I’m going to tell them you won’t be joining us.”
“No.” She grabbed her phone. Her legs felt like jelly, and not up to the task of supporting her. “I can do this.”
“We’re friends, Hannah. You can trust me. You can lean on me.”
She’d already done too much leaning. And too much laughing, talking and dancing.
Too much of everything.
She glanced at the door. “This isn’t appropriate.”
“You’ve been working too hard. Forget Scotland for Christmas. Come to the Caribbean with me. We’ll swim in the ocean and ma
ke love on a beach.”
She needed some distance from Adam so that she could work out what to do, so she said the first thing that came into her head. “I have to go to Scotland tomorrow.”
He frowned. “I thought you were flying on Christmas Eve.”
“My sister is ill.”
“Since when?” His confusion turned to concern. “Why didn’t you say so right away? No wonder you’re stressed. What’s wrong with her?”
Hannah floundered. “They’re not sure. That’s why I need to be there.”
“Of course. No wonder you were looking panicked. I know you’re not that close to your sister, but you must be worried.” He was all brisk efficiency. “How can I help? Would you rather go tonight? Should I send someone round to your apartment to pack you a case? Book you a flight?”
Hannah almost whimpered aloud. Now she was going to have to either admit to the lie or go home to Scotland early. “Tomorrow is fine. I’m sorry. I know we have the presentation to finalize, but I’ll work from there.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He drew in a long breath. “Let me know which flight you book and I’ll take you to the airport.”
“I’ll take a cab.” Maybe going back to Scotland wasn’t a bad idea. At least she’d have room to think there. She scooped up her jacket from the back of the chair. “We should get to this meeting.”