The Midwife's Child

‘It’s nice to draw up a birth plan, because it helps us to know what you feel strongly about, but once you’re actually in labour sometimes it’s best to forget all your preconceived ideas and just do what feels right.’

‘I don’t know what feels right any more.’ Carol twisted her hands together and bit her lip. ‘I’m just so terrified that something will be wrong.’

Brooke’s voice was gentle. ‘Why should something be wrong?’

‘Because I want a baby so badly.’ Carol’s voice was barely a whisper and her husband slipped an arm around her shoulders. ‘We’ve been trying for fourteen years, you know.’

Brooke felt her heart twist in sympathy and put her slim fingers over the other woman’s hand. ‘It will be fine, Carol—trust me.’

Carol shook her head. ‘It’s not that I don’t trust you. I know that you’re all brilliant here, everyone says so, but I just can’t believe that this is going to happen to me

at last. We had six attempts at IVF, and then we gave up because we ran out of money.’

Brooke was stunned. Six attempts must have cost them a fortune. No wonder they’d run out of money. ‘Didn’t the health authority fund it?’

‘The first one.’ Carol gave a bitter laugh. ‘After that you’re on your own. We sold the car, gave up going out, didn’t go on holidays—it was all worth it because I truly believed the IVF would work.’

Brooke swallowed, deeply touched by Carol’s story. ‘And did it work on the sixth attempt?’

‘No.’ Carol shook her head. ‘When the sixth attempt failed I was so depressed I wanted to die. What was the point in carrying on if I couldn’t have children? Everyone has children. Everywhere you look someone is pregnant, or wheeling a pram around.’

‘I don’t think that’s true,’ Brooke said softly. ‘It just seems that way when you’re desperate.’

‘Yes, well, I was desperate.’ Carol gave a short laugh and then winced and drew in a deep breath as a contraction started to build. For endless seconds she breathed and then she relaxed. ‘Another one down. Where was I? Oh, yes, Bill and I even split up for a while because I was so convinced that he couldn’t possibly want me if I couldn’t give him children.’

The pain and love in her husband’s eyes was clear to see and Brooke swallowed hard. Why was life so unfair? This lovely, lovely couple had obviously suffered so much.

‘But you obviously weren’t apart for long.’

Bill shook his head, taking up the story. ‘I moved into a flat for a month to give Carol some space, but I missed her like crazy. I had a terrible job convincing her that I wanted her, with or without a baby.’

Carol squeezed his hand, her eyes filling. ‘He was so great. He blew the last of our savings on a surprise holiday and we went to a luxury hotel and lazed on the beach for a week. We felt so much better at the end of it and decided that we were going to give IVF one more try and then give up and accept that we couldn’t have children. So my sister lent me the money and we went ahead.’

Brooke shook her head in wonder. ‘And it worked…’

‘It worked.’ Carol stroked her bump lovingly, her eyes filling. ‘It was twins, you know, but I lost one at eight weeks.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Brooke said gruffly. ‘No wonder you’re so worried that something will go wrong.’

Carol nodded slowly. ‘Yes. I just want it out now. I want to see it and keep it safe.’

‘I understand that, Carol.’ Brooke’s eyes were gentle. ‘But at the moment the baby is better off where he is. Would it reassure you more if you were connected to the monitor so that you can hear his heart?’

Carol looked at her and nodded. ‘Yes. Yes, I think it would. I’m just so afraid that someone is going to miss something and I’m going to lose the baby.’

Brooke shook her head, an enormous lump in her throat. ‘Carol, I swear to you that nothing is going to go wrong. I am going to be with you every step of the way and we’ll do this together. We’ll listen to that baby’s heart as often as you like, we’ll see how things go and I’ll explain all the options. If at any time I am even slightly concerned then I’ll call our consultant and he’s a genius.’

‘Is that Mr Matthews?’

‘That’s right.’

‘I saw him in clinic and my infertility specialist said that I wouldn’t find a better obstetrician than him anywhere in the country.’

‘He’s right.’ Sadness ripped through Brooke but she forced herself to ignore her own pain. At the moment this woman’s worries were a priority. ‘Carol, this baby is going to be fine. Will you trust me?’

Carol smiled and nodded. ‘Yes. I feel better, actually. Thanks for listening.’

‘My privilege.’ Brooke stood up and connected Carol to the machine, smiling as they heard the rapid thud of the baby’s heart. ‘Well, that’s fine. What we’ll do now is just check how he reacts to each contraction.’