‘Only the bills.’ Deciding that maybe he did need a drink after all, he lifted the glass to his lips. ‘I don’t have time for anything else. I never hang cards up.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because it’s just something else to clear up after Christmas,’ he admitted wearily, and her gaze drifted to the wall, now covered in cards.
‘Do you send any cards yourself?’
He gave a flicker of a smile. ‘What do you think?’
‘I think you’re a man who shuts everyone out and thinks about nothing but his job,’ she said softly. ‘And it isn’t good for you. Lots of those cards were full of kind messages—everyone is obviously worried about you.’
He tensed and sucked in a breath. ‘I’m fine. And I’d rather people didn’t worry about me. I certainly don’t expect them to.’ He caught her gaze. ‘Why are you looking at me like that?’
It disturbed him.
‘Because I don’t think you’re fine. I don’t think you’re fine at all, Dr Sullivan. I think you bury yourself in work because it stops you feeling or having to spend any time here, and when you eventually come home you’re so exhausted you just drop into bed.’
‘And what’s wrong with that?’
‘Because you’re blocking life out instead of building a new one.’
‘This is my life, Louisa,’ he said coldly, ‘and it’s the one I want to live. Preferably without interference.’
She nodded, her eyes warm and gentle. ‘I can understand why you feel that way. Josh told me about your wife. It must be difficult to pick yourself up again after that sort of loss. It’s hard enough finding the right person once. How could you expect to do it twice?’
She had no idea...
Every muscle in his body tensed. It wasn’t something that he intended to discuss with her.
‘Are you always so direct?’
‘Yes, usually.’ She was unapologetic, her gaze clear and sympathetic. ‘I think it’s better to talk about
the way you feel. But I suspect you don’t agree. You don’t like talking about your feelings, I can see that,’ she said conversationally. ‘Like most men, I suppose. You don’t need to feel bad about it.’
Mac gritted his teeth. ‘I don’t feel bad about it. I just prefer to handle things my own way.’
‘By burying yourself in your job.’
He stared at her in exasperation. ‘Louisa, this isn’t going to work.’ He took a deep breath and dragged a hand over the back of his neck. ‘I’ve found you a room in the nurses’ home. You’re a obviously a great nurse and I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t want you in my home.’
She went still and the colour drained from her face. ‘The nurses’ home?’ She sounded so shocked that he found himself frowning defensively.
‘There’s nothing wrong with the nurses’ home,’ he said testily. ‘It’s a perfectly nice building. The rooms are great. You’re looking at me as if I was suggesting you sleep rough.’
There was a look of horror on her pretty face. ‘It’s just that I’m not that great at institutional living. Especially not at Christmas.’
He sucked in a breath.
He wasn’t going to feel guilty.
‘It would be better for everyone.’
She shook her head. ‘Not for me.’ Shadows flickered across her eyes and for once there was no sign of her usually merry smile. ‘I was hoping to spend Christmas in a house, with people.’
Mac clenched his fists.
He was not going to feel guilty.