Trying to ignore the thoughts clouding his brain, he did what was expected of him, going through the motions, relying on years of training and experience to guide him in the right direction.
He didn’t want to be here.
He remembered Louisa with her arms round a muddy Hopeful, worried to death that a strange, abandoned dog might be hurt. He remembered her offering to cook lunch for Alice and inviting Rick, a stranger, to bring his little girl to sit by their tree on Christmas Day. He remembered her in high heels and an evening dress, covering a badly injured boy with her coat while she risked hypothermia. He remembered the way she’d given herself to him without reservation.
Something shifted inside him and the clouds in his brain suddenly cleared. When he’d been married to Melissa, Christmas had just been another day of work. And he’d thought that had said everything about the man he was.
Now he realised that it said everything about his relationship.
Louisa was right.
He stared at the X-rays.
‘Call the surgeons,’ Josh instructed, his blue eyes fixed on his brother’s face and then moving back to the X-rays. ‘He needs a laparotomy and he needs it now. Mac, go home. I can cope here now. For once you’re supposed to be off duty. My gift to you is waiting at home and I think it’s time you went and appreciated it. Merry Christmas.’
Mac blinked and realised that his brother was covering for him. ‘I’m fine.’
‘Go and eat Louisa’s turkey.’ It was an order. Quietly spoken, but an order just the same.
Mac looked at his younger brother, the brother he loved, and they shared a look of complete understanding.
It was finally time to move on.
Mac stepped back from the trolley and ripped off his gloves.
With a final look at his brother, Josh turned his attention back to the patient. ‘Bleep the surgeons again and let’s give him cefuroxime IV. What are his sats?’
Mac walked towards the door without a backward glance. Behind him the team closed round the patient, each carrying out his or her own tasks.
It was Christmas Day.
And he was going home.
* * *
‘I can’t believe he went to work.’ Her face pink from the heat of the Aga, Louisa blew wisps of hair out of her eyes and struggled to lift the turkey onto a different surface. ‘It means I’m going to have to carve and I’m useless at carving.’
Alice looked up from her third glass of sweet sherry. ‘Well, I’d love to help, dear, but I’ve only got the one wrist and frankly I wasn’t that great at carving when I had two.’
Louisa gave a weak smile as she transferred the turkey to a carving tray. Hopeful bashed against her legs, wagging his tail. She glanced down. ‘I suppose if I drop this, that will solve the problem of carving it. Get away, darling, I’ll feed you in a minute.’
For her the sparkle of Christmas had dimmed the moment Mac had strode out of the house that morning.
There was a ring on the doorbell and seconds later Hannah danced into the kitchen, a pair of antlers fixed to her blonde hair, her cheeks pink from the cold.
‘They let me off early!!’ She flung her jacket over the nearest chair, revealing a tight pair of jeans and a sparkly top. She cast a look over her shoulder and then looked back at Louisa. ‘Where is he? Rick?’
Her eyes shone and Louisa smiled. ‘In the sitting room with Poppy. Go and find them.’
She looked at the soft look on Hannah’s face and decided that maybe her Christmas hadn’t been such a disaster after all. She was pleased for them both. And it would be lovely for Poppy.
Louisa was dying to ask how Mac had been but she didn’t dare.
He wasn’t here, she reminded herself.
That was all she needed to know.
‘It will be ready soon.’