But she hadn’t tamed Raul, had she?
She’d trapped him. Not intentionally, but if she’d known how he’d felt she never would have gone ahead with the wedding, no matter how much she’d loved him. But the truth was that she’d loved him so much and she’d thought their relationship so perfect, that she hadn’t even questioned his proposal. To her it had been a natural progression.
And he hadn’t given her the chance to question it.
It was only now, looking back on it, that she realised that from that point until the day of their wedding, he’d been running.
In the middle of delicate negotiations with some company in the Far East, he’d flown to Japan for two weeks and then on to New York.
He hadn’t come home and at the time she hadn’t thought it particularly odd. Raul set himself a punishing work schedule and his absence hadn’t seemed particularly strange. Until now.
Faith watched as the horses came off the field and the grooms sprang into action. She’d been so wrapped up in her own emotions she hadn’t really thought about his. When he’d immediately proposed marriage, she’d assumed everything was all right.
Naïvely thinking that their love had been sufficient for him to make him rethink his views on marriage, she’d gone ahead without questioning how he really felt.
Arrogance? She’d accused him of arrogance but she’d been the one with arrogance, hadn’t she? She’d assumed that she was different from all the other women he’d ever been with. She’d thought that was why he’d been so eager to marry her.
Raul rode over to her and vaulted from his horse. ‘You’re awake.’
A groom took the horse from him and he walked with her back towards the Beach House. ‘You’re very quiet. Sofia again?’
‘No.’ Her voice was small because she was feeling completely and utterly tormented with guilt and Raul gave a driven sigh.
‘I have no feelings for her whatsoever. I thought I’d made that clear.’
‘Actually I’m not thinking about Sofia,’ Faith muttered. ‘I’m thinking about us. Our marriage. The baby.’ She felt his immediate withdrawal and grabbed his hand in a desperate little movement, as if holding on to him physically might prevent his emotional retreat. ‘Don’t back off. I know this is difficult but will you at least talk?’ She watched him, recognising all the signs as he placed himself well and truly on the defensive.
His eyes were hard as diamonds, his thin mouth an uncompromising line in his handsome face. Every muscle in his powerful frame vibrated with tension and his body language screamed ‘keep off’. ‘I kn
ow how upset you are about losing the baby. I fail to see what talking achieves unless you simply want to make me feel more guilty.’ His raw tone stunned her.
‘I—I’m not trying to make you feel guilty.’ She shook her head. ‘Why would you think that?’
He inhaled deeply and something flickered in the depths of his eyes. ‘I suppose because I do feel guilty,’ he confessed in a husky voice. ‘You lost that baby because of me.’
‘No—’
‘I upset you—’
‘After I lost the baby,’ she said gently. ‘And even if it had been before, you wouldn’t have been the cause.’ She swallowed and gave a painful smile. ‘It wasn’t anyone’s fault, Raul. I think it’s normal to feel like that, but it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Miscarriage is horribly common. A doctor in the hospital told me that—’ She broke off for a moment, a rush of emotion catching her by surprise. ‘He told me that some babies just don’t stick and that is nature’s way of saying that something isn’t quite right.’ Her hand was still on his arm and she felt the flex of muscle under her fingers.
‘Fine.’ His voice was as tense as his body. ‘Good.’
‘That wasn’t what I wanted to say,’ she mumbled quietly. ‘I wanted to say that I’m sorry.’
He stilled, and a faint flush spread across his cheekbones, highlighting his striking features. ‘So you admit that you became pregnant on purpose?’
‘No!’ Horrified by his interpretation of her apology, she stared at him. ‘No. It was an accident.’
‘Then why are you saying sorry?’
‘Because I never once saw it from your point of view. And I’ve only just realised that,’ Faith admitted wearily. ‘I discovered I was pregnant and I was a bit nervous but when you immediately proposed, I assumed you were all right with it. I—I wasn’t really thinking. I should have questioned you more closely. There was no way I would have married you if you had doubts.’
He was cold and uncommunicative. ‘I didn’t have doubts.’
‘You didn’t want to get married!’
‘Once you told me you were pregnant, there was never a choice.’