What thought had he given to any of it? He’d treated her the way he’d treated previous women in his life who had measured every gift by its monetary value. But expensive gifts from a wealthy man meant nothing to a woman like Laurel, who had been building her own business and was justifiably proud of her success. She hadn’t wanted financial security. She’d never been interested in him for his money. What she’d needed was emotional security and he, in all his arrogance, had never given her that. She’d thirsted for some demonstration of his love and he, with the same arrogance, had assumed that by marrying her he’d said all that needed to be said. And when her confidence in their relationship had faltered, it hadn’t even occurred to him that he might bear some of the blame.
Swearing under his breath, he sprang from the bed and located her purse. Finding what he wanted, he curled it safely into his palm and prowled out onto the moonlit terrace but she wasn’t there.
On the run again, he thought grimly.
Except this time he would track her down to the far corners of the earth if necessary.
In the end he didn’t need to go as far as that. He found her in his study, curled up on one of the deep sofas with a book in her hands and Rambo and Terminator lying at her feet, her own personal guard. He remembered her poignant tale about the room she’d loved, with all the books. About pretending it was a library.
Thinking of the cold, loveless wasteland of her childhood years sickened him.
He understood now that reading had been her way of escaping from her world. And a way of making up for everything that was lacking in her life.
The dogs growled at his approach.
‘It seems I have to fight my way through my own dogs to talk to my wife.’ He clicked his fingers and Rambo immediately rose to his feet and moved but Terminator stayed firmly by Laurel’s side, his head on his paws, refusing to leave her.
Cristiano had some sympathy for the dog because he was feeling pretty much the same way.
He looked at the book in her hand, floored by the enormity of what she’d achieved with her life. ‘If you never had books as a child, how did you develop such an interest in reading?’
‘I had a wonderful teacher at school. Miss Hayes. She was very kind to me.’ Laurel dropped her hand onto the dog’s head, her fingers caressing his smooth fur. ‘Don’t send them away. I can’t bear to be parted from them after two years.’
Deciding that it was better to tolerate canine company than upset her further, Cristiano exchanged a brief man to man warning glance with Terminator just so that the dog knew who was in charge.
‘Put the book down. I really need to talk to you.’
Slowly, she lowered the book to her lap but didn’t speak.
Cristiano wasn’t finding it easy, either. ‘I didn’t see our relationship the way you saw it. I can see now that I took a great deal for granted.’ Just when it was imperative that the words spoken were perfectly matched to the situation, his habitual fluency had deserted him. ‘It’s true that I may have been guilty of a certain level of arrogance.’
Her gaze was steady. ‘May have been?’
‘All right—I was arrogant, I admit it. I made far too many assumptions.’ Trying to right a wrong, he paced from one side of the room to the other. ‘But this whole situation has emerged because I didn’t know what you were thinking. Yes, I was very much at fault, but you were also at fault in not telling me more about your past. Had you done so, I would have understood the reason you find it so hard to trust anyone and could have addressed it.’
‘So then you would have added reassure Laurel to your bulging to-do list? I didn’t want to be a project, Cristiano.’
‘I didn’t say that! Maledezione, give me a chance to explain myself!’ His sudden explosion was greeted by a low warning growl from the dog by her side and Cristiano’s mouth tightened. ‘That animal is overprotective.’
‘He loves me.’
‘And apparently you accept that love without question whereas the rest of us have to work hard for that same degree of blind faith.’ He ended that forceful declaration with a deep breath. ‘I have never felt for any woman what I felt for you.’
‘So you keep saying.’
‘Speak again before I’ve finished and I’ll find ways to silence you, dog or no dog,’ he vowed, watching as her cheeks turned pink and she closed the book. ‘I admit that I thought that by marrying you I’d demonstrated the depth of my feeling for you. I see now that I didn’t spend enough time showing you how much I loved you but part of the reason for that was that I had no idea that you were having any doubts about my commitment to you. I made a terrible decision that day, but you have to believe that I didn’t think you would lose the baby.’
Her cheeks turned a shade paler. ‘Do we have to go over this again?’
‘Yes, because we are not giving up on what we have so we have to both be clear about the way we feel. I married you because I loved you and wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I didn’t spend enough time making sure you knew that.’ Acknowledging just how much damage that attitude had caused, he let out a long breath. ‘You have to understand that that lapse on my part was to do with pressure of work, not because I felt less for you than I should have done. At worst I can be accused of complacency.’
‘And arrogance.’
‘Yes, we’ve already agreed that—’ Cristiano spoke through his teeth ‘—but you didn’t once come and tell me how you were feeling. I made mistakes, I admit it, but I made them because I believed everything to be good and strong with our marriage. You did not feel that way and yet you didn’t tell me. Every time I gave you jewellery, you thanked me. You suffered my mother’s less than subtle comments without confiding in me.’
‘She’s your mother and you love her.’
And she’d never had that, he realised. She’d never had the luxury of knowing she was loved without question. Never been safely wrapped in the warmth of family. ‘You are my wife and I love you. My first responsibility was to you. Is to you. Always.’ He watched as her breathing turned shallow and discovered that he was holding his own breath as he waited for her response. ‘Say something. But no more observations on my arrogance. That lesson is well and truly learned.’