One More for Christmas

“What?”

“You know what.”

“I don’t.” Samantha straightened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh come on! You feel fine? No emotions at all seeing her out there building a snowman?”

“Ella—”

“Why do you do that? Why do you always hide your feelings? I share everything with you. It hurts my feelings that you don’t talk to me.”

“I talk to you all the time. We talk about feelings all the time.”

“You’ve never talked to me about Kyle.”

“I—there’s nothing to talk about.”

“See? That’s what I mean. I talk about my feelings and you listen. You listen to everyone. You’re great at that. When it comes to talking about your own, you’re not so great. This is me! Your sister! You can tell me how you feel.”

“About Mom building a snowman with Tab? I feel pleased. Relieved. I was as worried about this Christmas gathering as you. I don’t understand why you’re not relieved, too. What did you want, Ella? Did you want her to ignore Tab?”

“No, and I am relieved that she seems to be making an effort. But I also feel a little weird about it.” She was going to have to be the one to say it. “She never did that with us.”

“But she’s taken Tab outside to play with her. That’s massive.”

“Yes, and it hurts because she is out there playing with my daughter, trying to make her happy, and that is something she never did with us.”

Samantha stood up and hugged Ella. “I understand why you’re upset.”

“Do you? And are you not upset?” Ella extracted herself. Why was it that her sister could comfort her, but not admit her own feelings?

“It’s different. I’m not Tab’s mom.”

Ella gave up. “I’m going outside to join them. Do you want to come with me?”

“This is a professional visit for me. I need to explore the estate, talk to Brodie about the types of activities we can offer, work up some plans and numbers. I’m going to take photographs, investigate transport options. I also promised to explore with him other ways that he could monetize the estate.”

Ella looked at her sister properly for the first time and realized how groomed and professional she looked even in warm, practical clothing. “Is that sweater new? You look amazing. How long have you been awake?”

“A few hours. I was working. I had some preparation to do for today.”

Ella was about to ask her sister if she was looking forward to spending the day with Brodie when Michael emerged from the bathroom.

“Am I the only one around here who is starving?” He picked up his watch from the nightstand. “I’m willing to test the full Scottish breakfast for you, Samantha. I will give you my considered opinion on every element.”

Samantha smiled at him. “Your sacrifice is duly noted.”

“Always willing to take one for the team. Are you coming for something to eat, Ella?”

“Later.” Ella pulled on extra layers and found her coat. She felt isolated. No one, not even her sister, seemed to understand the way she was feeling. “I want to check on my daughter.”

“Our daughter.” Michael’s tone was mild. “She’s our daughter.”

“True. But she’s with my mother. She’s probably telling Tab never to get married, or to make sure she only ever takes a well-paid job. Or maybe Tab has fallen over and she’s telling her to pick herself up.”

Samantha exchanged a look with Michael. “You need to relax, Ella, or this Christmas gathering is never going to work. You can’t hover over Mom, watching her every move.”

Nothing stung quite as sharply as criticism from someone you saw as an ally. “How can you say that? You know what she’s like. Just look at the impact she’s had on you.”