One More for Christmas

“I want Mommy!” Tab writhed, kicking one of the decorations from the tree. It shattered into pieces on the oak flooring.

“Tab! Calm down. You’re going to cut yourself.” She had to sweep up the remains of the decoration before one of the shards was buried in Tab or the dog. She tried picking Tab up, but the child was a moving target and surprisingly strong. She grabbed a cushion from the sofa and put it over the shattered ornament.

She was out of her depth. It had been decades since she’d handled a child of this age. Tab was usually so enthusiastic and cooperative, but today she was tired and cranky.

Ignoring her aching jaw, Gayle tried love. “You poor thing. Come and hug Nanna.”

“I want Christmas to be now.”

“Well, tomorrow is Christmas Eve, so it’s not long.”

Tab’s face crumpled. “I want Santa to come right now.”

So did Gayle. She wanted someone to come now and save her. Anyone. Santa would be fine. Never in her life had she felt more inadequate. She had no idea how to calm the child down, and she didn’t want to disturb Ella. What sort of a grandmother was she that she couldn’t occupy one almost five-year-old for thirty minutes?

“I want Mommy!”

“Mommy’s busy right now, but—”

Tab kicked her again, this time hard enough that Gayle almost lost her balance.

“Enough! Tab, behave yourself. You’re being very naughty.”

Tab burst into noisy howls that brought Ella running.

“What is happening here? Why all the noise?”

Tab’s yells grew louder. “Nanna cross. Nanna says I’m naughty.”

Gayle felt a wash of despair. Just when she’d thought everything was going well. If she told her daughter that Tab had kicked her, she’d sound like a toddler herself.

She started it.

She was desperate to show Ella that she could handle this. “Tab—”

“Go away! I hate you, Nanna. I hate you and I don’t want to play with you ever again.”

Gayle felt as if her heart had been skewered.

“Tab.” Ella knelt down next to her daughter and hugged her, ignoring the flying fists and drumming heels.

“Be careful of the broken ornament—I’m worried about your knees and the dog’s paws.” Gayle tried to collect the pieces in her hand, while Tab shuddered and then went limp.

“I don’t want to play with Nanna.”

“Hush.” Ella rocked her, and Gayle slid silently from the room, feeling like a complete failure.

She wasn’t entirely sure what she’d done wrong, but she’d obviously done something very wrong and now Tab hated her.

Just when she’d thought things were going well. Just when she’d started feeling hopeful. She’d tried so hard to knit the family back together again, and now they’d been wrenched apart and it was all her fault. She’d been a terrible mother, and it seemed she was also a terrible grandmother.

Thirty minutes. Was it really so hard to look after a child for thirty minutes?

What must Ella think of her? And what now? Should she leave? Was that even possible so close to Christmas? She didn’t want to ruin their family Christmas, but she couldn’t bear the thought of leaving them and spending the holidays alone in her apartment.

She closed the bedroom door, dropped the ornament fragments into the bin and sat on the edge of the bed.

The books she’d bought on being a good grandparent mocked her from their place on the window ledge.