“What happens when you reach California?”
Kathleen’s insides gave another lurch. Ruth. For a moment she’d forgotten, but now all those thoughts, doubts, questions and regrets were back.
What if...
Were there two more torturous words in the English language?
She’d never been a person to dwell on “what-if” but for some reason she felt as if she was unraveling. It was all Martha’s fault. Being with her had encouraged an openness that was new to Kathleen, and now she didn’t know how to close herself down again.
Josh was waiting for an answer, and she truly had no idea what answer to give.
“Kathleen hasn’t decided what to do yet.” Martha finally spoke, filling the silence. “She may spend a little time soaking up the Californian sunshine. Part of the joy of this trip is having a flexible schedule.”
Kathleen felt a rush of gratitude and affection. Dear girl. She knew exactly what Kathleen was thinking.
Josh seemed satisfied with the answer. “California is my home state, so if you need any suggestions of places to visit while you’re there, don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Most kind of you.” Kathleen secured her scarf. “Do you have particular places you’re planning to see on this trip?”
“The Grand Canyon. I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve never seen it.”
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed. You’ve obviously spent too much time working, thanks to your unfeeling boss.” She glanced at Martha, but the girl had returned to a state of silence. “I’m pleased you’re finally able to explore the world a little. Don’t rush to get back to work. I was lucky of course, because travel was my work, so I did both.”
They drove through another small hamlet where the smell of barbecue filled the air, and gradually they left the hills and forest behind them.
By the time they arrived at their stop for the night Kathleen was tired and her mind was floating off in directions that normally she didn’t permit. Should she contact Ruth? No, that would be most unwise. Particularly as she hadn’t even opened the letters.
She should have read them. Or at least brought them with her. But the knowledge that they were in her bag would have weighed her down. This trip had been about making the most of the time she had, not about confronting the past.
Was Ruth even in California? Martha had said she would look her up, but really there was no way Kathleen would encourage that.
But what if she arrived home, read the letters, and then wished she’d reached out to Ruth?
She felt a rush of panic that she’d done the wrong thing.
Martha parked. “Are you all right, Kathleen?”
“Never better.” For the first time she wished she hadn’t invited Josh to join them. She might have had a short nap in the car as they were driving. As it was she was exhausted with keeping up jolly conversation, and the past kept nagging at her, ending all hope of relaxation.
To her mortification she needed Martha’s help to get out of the back of the car.
“It’s the angle,” Martha said gently, supporting Kathleen so that she could lever herself from the back seat.
“It’s the age.” Kathleen straightened and felt the world spin. She clung to Martha.
“Kathleen?” Holding her tightly, Martha aimed the key at the trunk and opened it. “Josh? Could you bring our luggage so that I can help Kathleen inside?”
Kathleen tried to steady herself. “I’ve been sitting too long, that’s all. My body has seized up. I need a moment, and then I’ll be fine.”
“You prebooked?” Josh unloaded their luggage. “Why don’t you let me go and sort out your rooms. I’ll bring your key back. Save you an extra walk to the reception desk.”
Was she really going to let a spell of dizziness stop her enjoying her trip? No, she wasn’t.
“Thank you, but we can manage. Are you staying here too, Josh?”
“That was my plan.” He picked up their cases. “And I’m grateful for the ride this far. Can I buy you dinner as a thank-you?”
All Kathleen wanted to do was lie down, but she knew that if she suggested they went without her Martha would accuse her of matchmaking.