Christy cleared up Holly’s paints and tipped the water away. She wasn’t envious—she really wasn’t. She enjoyed her balance of work and motherhood, even if she did sometimes feel as if she’d compromised on both elements. This was the life she’d chosen. Although it would have been nice to have her husband home and a house that didn’t leak.
“Still makes me smile...thinking of you working for a global toy company.”
“Why? Because I’m single and don’t have kids? This is a business, Christy. A cold, ruthless business. We might be selling toys, but there is nothing warm and fuzzy about this job. And I know more about toys than anyone. I know which toys are likely to make a child smile for five minutes or five days. I know which toys are likely to break before the end of a day, which toys might persuade a kid it’s worth studying harder for exams, and which toy is so awesome it might even make a child forget that its parents don’t want it around.”
There was a moment of silence.
“Did I really just say that? Don’t read too much into it. Jetlag is making me maudlin. Or maybe it’s the time of year. You know how messed up I am about Christmas.” Alix’s light tone covered layers of emotion and memory. “My point is, I have plenty of personal experience of toys. Toys are currency, and no one knows their value better than I do.”
“Sometimes they’re just a gesture of love...” Christy felt a surge of compassion. “Have you heard from your parents?”
“No, thank goodness. It’s not as if I’d want to spend Christmas with either of them anyway. Can you imagine it? Kill me now!”
Christy stowed the paints and brushes in a box, grateful for the love her parents had shown her and the example they’d set. She’d modeled her own family life on theirs, carrying across the routines and traditions from her own childhood.
She thought back to the nights when Alix had stayed over at her house. There had been a lot of nights, and a lot of childhood confessions.
“My parents don’t want me around. They never wanted me.”
Christy pushed the box into the cupboard. Her home might leak, but her daughter knew she was loved.
“Remember all those times my mother told us off for talking until the early hours?” she asked Alix.
“And for making hot chocolate at two in the morning.”
“And dropping biscuit crumbs inside the bed.”
Christy leaned against the cupboard, her mind in the past. “We were always making plans. And look at us.”
Alix gave a quick laugh. “I wanted to climb the corporate ladder and you wanted a husband, a child, and a cottage in the country. Looks like we both got what we wanted.”
Christy stared at the rain hammering the window. “Yes...” But what if what you’d wanted didn’t turn out so great after all? What then? “Are you happy with your life?”
“Of course. What sort of a question is that?”
“You don’t ever feel lonely?”
“Are you kidding? I’m with people all day—and even when I’m not with them physically, they’re calling me.”
Christy waited for Alix to bounce the question back to her, but she didn’t.
“You don’t regret anything?” she asked her.
“What would I regret? Are you asking me if I want to get married, have children and move to the country? We both know that’s not for me. I don’t want the responsibility. I mean...get it wrong and a child is messed up forever. If you need evidence for that, look at me.”
Christy felt an ache in her chest. “You’re not messed up. And you wouldn’t get it wrong.”
“Ah, but you don’t know that. Anyway, I love being in the fast lane. I love the whole crazy rush of it.”
And Alix was moving so quickly everything around her was a blur—including Christy. There were things she wanted to say, but she didn’t feel able to say them. Was that why it suddenly seemed hard to share her innermost secrets with her friend?
“I keep telling you that adrenaline isn’t one of the main food groups.”
“It’s my favorite type of fuel—except possibly for chocolate. By the way, did I mention that the singing reindeer with a glow-in-the-dark nose that I sent our girl is going to be the toy for Christmas? She’ll be the most popular child in the village.”
Toys are currency.
Christy poured Holly a cup of milk. “I’ve hidden it away, ready for you-know-when.”