He accepted the prospect of their visit with his usual enthusiasm. The more the merrier. He was an extrovert who was never happier than when he was in the middle of a social gathering. If Todd hadn’t been so gregarious, Clare probably never would have met him. He was the one who’d struck up conversation and asked her on a date. He’d chiseled his way past her shyness to find the person inside. And she loved that he made that side of life easy for her. With Todd, there were never embarrassing silences or awkward moments. He could talk about anything with anyone. He and Jack had hit it off right from the start, and Todd was obviously looking forward to seeing him again.
There were no undercurrents. No complications.
Clare envied him. She and Becca had always told each other everything, which had felt good until “everything” had included details Clare wished she didn’t know.
Her exasperation was tinged with envy. “Don’t you think it’s a bit soon? Is it a little insensitive, perhaps?”
“What is there to be sensit
ive about?”
Me, Clare thought. She and Becca had been the link that had brought the two families together. “Becca.”
“Becca’s no longer here, and I’m sure she would have wanted him to be happy, don’t you?”
Clare wasn’t sure of that. Becca had usually placed her own needs and happiness above everyone else’s, including Jack’s and the children’s.
Whether at work or at play, Becca had been the center of attention, which was why Clare wasn’t sure she would have approved of Jack moving on so fast. Most of the time Clare had made excuses for her friend. Becca’s past had molded her into the person she was. But was that an explanation or an excuse? For how long was an adult permitted to use a difficult childhood as a free pass for all undesirable thoughts and actions? Deep down Clare wasn’t sure if Becca’s behavior was driven by a survival instinct or downright selfishness.
It’s every man for himself, Clare. How do you think I’ve got where I am?
Clare finished her toast. “It’s been almost a year.”
“And? How long does a guy need to suffer before society stops judging him? I bet it was the longest year of his life. Grim. Or is there some time frame to grief that I don’t know about?” His voice gentled. “I understand that it’s hard for you but this wasn’t just about Becca. Jack’s our friend, too, Clare, and has been for more than two decades. He was best man at our wedding. It’s never been just about Becca. We owe him our support.”
“I know. And he has it, of course.” She decided he was right. This was about Jack, now, it had to be.
“Then what’s the problem?” A note of impatience. Todd, who found every social situation easy. Todd, the problem solver. Lower the floor, add skylights, whatever the challenge, he had a solution and he was always sure of it.
Clare had been drawn to him for many reasons, but the biggest had been his certainty. His confidence in his place in the world.
“It will feel strange to see him with someone else.”
“He’s still the same Jack. It’s like remodeling an old house. The bones stay the same even if the outward features are different.” He opened the door. “You don’t even know it’s serious.”
“If it wasn’t serious, he wouldn’t be bringing her. Jack isn’t the type to jump from one relationship to another.”
“And it upsets you?” Todd paused, even though he was now almost certainly going to be late.
What should she say? She’d been on the verge of telling him so many times, but she’d always stopped herself. She’d never been a gossip, something that had frustrated and amused Becca in equal amounts.
For once in your life can’t you enjoy a good bitch about someone? Nice people are boring.
Clare had laughed and tried not to be offended but of course she had been because all her life she’d tried to keep up with Becca. At school she’d been so shy she’d found it difficult to make friends. She’d been teased and excluded by the other children until the day Becca had arrived. Becca, the class rebel had, for some reason Clare never entirely understood, decided to give her best friend status. From that point on Clare had no problems with the other children. She and Becca were as close as sisters, and if some of the things Becca did made her uncomfortable, she accepted it as the price to be paid for friendship. No one was perfect, were they? No one did the right thing all the time.
Todd was watching her. “Is there something else going on, Clare?”
There had been so many times when she’d considered telling him the truth, but decided it wasn’t fair to put him in the same position she was in, particularly as deep down she knew he hadn’t liked Becca that much. What would he say if he knew the truth? What if he judged Becca or, worse, what if he judged Clare?
“It’s been hard, that’s all.”
“It’s coming up to the anniversary. It’s a tough time for you.”
It was, but it was also confusing. Part of her longed to talk about it, but how could she? It would mean admitting how angry she felt, and how confused. And it would feel disloyal. Clare was probably the only person in the world who knew everything about Becca. She knew all about Becca’s childhood. She understood how Becca had become Becca.
But Becca was gone, and it wasn’t going to help anyone if Clare kept dwelling on the past.
“It’s tougher on Jack.”