Family For Beginners

16

Izzy

The pony trundled along the track and Izzy shifted in the saddle, trying to get comfortable. Her neck was burning from the sun, her whole body was sweaty. It was a long way to the ground. When Flora had brightly suggested pony trekking as an activity she should have made an excuse, but she was still feeling guilty about the scene at breakfast the day before and Flora’s anguished confession.

She’d felt so bad about it that she’d been ready to agree to pretty much anything to make amends. She was tired of feeling bad about herself and tired of feeling guilty the whole time. Also, she didn’t want to be left out of an activity that Molly was doing. Her almost childish desperation to cling to the ragged remains of her family was almost as embarrassing as her riding skills.

So here she was on a horse. She’d never been that into horses. She was a city girl. A city girl who was terrified.

Who was the people pleaser now?

If she hadn’t been so afraid of falling off, she might have laughed.

They were riding in a line, with a delighted Molly bouncing in the saddle directly in front of her and then Aiden.

It was kind of annoying that he looked great on the horse, relaxed and in control, like he was a cowboy or something. Izzy scowled at his back, while at the same time admiring his shoulders and his athletic ability.

Maybe he sensed her scrutiny because he glanced over his shoulder and grinned at her and she pulled a face, partly because she was horribly embarrassed to look so red and sweaty in front of him, and partly because she had no idea how to ride. It was an uncomfortable, sticky nightmare and something she would have rather he hadn’t witnessed. By the time she slid off this animal her ego would have shriveled to the size of a peanut.

“This is brilliant,” Flora sang out from behind her and Izzy rolled her eyes to heaven. Brilliant? She was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to walk in the morning. If she hadn’t known better, she’d have said this wa

s Flora’s revenge for those times she’d made her run to the Brooklyn Bridge. But Flora wasn’t the type to take revenge. No, this was just her idea of fun. Trying something none of them had tried before, except Aiden.

“Look, Molly!” Flora was obviously enjoying herself. “See the rabbits in the field? They’re so cute.”

Clare rose up in her stirrups and laughed. “I see them! Well spotted, Flora.”

Izzy had noticed a shift in the relationship between Clare and Flora. It seemed that despite the frosty beginning, they genuinely liked each other. And although it felt slightly weird to admit it, Izzy suspected that Clare had more in common with Flora than she’d had with Becca.

Izzy looked over the hedge, and saw wild rabbits bounding across the grass. Flora was always pointing things out. Look at the colors on that butterfly. Taste this wild raspberry. She noticed small things and Izzy was starting to notice them, too. She’d discovered that if you focused hard enough on the present, the future seemed to shrink a little.

She was still staring at the rabbits when her pony put his head down to snatch grass from the track. Izzy almost flew over his head. “Mine keeps eating!” She tugged ineffectually at the reins. “Why does he keep eating? Don’t they feed him back at the yard?”

“He’s taking advantage of you. Keep using your legs,” the girl in charge yelled back at her. “Show him who is boss.”

Izzy was in no doubt about who was the boss, and it wasn’t her.

She gave another tug of the reins and pressed her legs against the pony’s fat sides. He tore off another chunk of grass and ambled forward, munching.

“Grazing is bad for you, didn’t you hear?” Izzy tried conciliation rather than coercion, patting his neck, and stroking her hand over the wiry fur. “I guess not. As you’re a horse.” It had to be hot, she thought, having fur and a mane and tail. And all those flies just buzzing around wanting to munch on you.

This was probably all her fault for accusing Flora of only doing what she wanted to do.

At breakfast Molly had been talking about how much she wanted to try horseback riding. Flora had suddenly said “let’s do it” with so much enthusiasm that before Izzy could produce a suitable excuse Clare was on the phone booking for all of them, apart from her dad and Todd who had suddenly found a pressing need to take the boat out onto the lake.

Izzy would have exchanged her current situation for a day sailing. She’d do anything to feel the wind in her hair and the spray on her face.

Flies buzzed around the pony and he shook his head, irritated. Izzy clutched the front of the saddle, terrified of falling. There was probably symbolism here if she looked for it. Trying something new. Stepping out of your comfort zone. Letting go of the predictable.

Maybe she’d write a blog about it. How far should you go to please another person? Where did you draw the line between being easygoing and a total pushover? Right now she felt like a pushover, although it was true that the views were pretty good from the back of a horse. She looked over walls and hedges to mountain slopes dappled by heather and rocks. She looked down into fast-flowing rivers and was eye level with the lower branches of trees.

She realized that for the first time in months she didn’t feel exhausted. She was sleeping better, waking to birdsong and cool lake air rather than nightmares or Molly crying.

They arrived back at Lake Lodge, tired and overheated.

Flora and Clare vanished indoors to shower and change.

Izzy rubbed her fingers in her damp, matted hair and eyed the lake. Wearing the hard hat had given her a headache. “Straight into the lake for a swim and cooldown, I think.” Their bathing suits were hanging over the back of a sunlounger, drying from the day before. She held out her hand to Molly. “Last one in is a big baboon.”