Meg contemplated calling her mother upstairs to sort out the mess she’d created. ‘Jamie, I’m not getting married.’ She took the cup from him and tucked the duvet around him. ‘Honestly, if I ever decide to get married, you’ll be the first to know.’
‘The man you’re marrying would be the first to know. I’d be second.’
‘Sometimes, my little superhero, you’re too clever for your own good.’ Meg kissed him on the cheek and then reached across and snapped the light on by his bed. ‘Which story do you want?’
‘Batman. So if you’re not getting married, why did you yell the word “sex”? And why was Dino laughing so hard?’ Jamie snuggled under the duvet, his hair still rumpled from play-fighting with the Italian doctor. His Batman toy was still in his hand. ‘I don’t get what’s funny.’
‘Nothing’s funny. I was talking to Grandma. She was being…well, she was being Grandma.’
‘She also told me it isn’t normal or natural for a young woman of your age to be on her own,’ Jamie parroted. ‘I pointed out I live here too, but apparently I don’t count.’
‘You count, Jamie.’ Meg picked up the book they’d been reading the night before. ‘Believe me, you count.’
‘I wouldn’t mind if you got married. Especially if you married Dino. That would be super-cool.’
Meg thought about the heat they’d generated in the small tent on the mountainside. ‘Cool’ wasn’t the word she would have chosen. ‘Jamie, I’m not marrying Dino. We’re not even…well…’
‘You’re not dating?’
‘What do you know about dating?’
‘It’s when a boy and a girl hold hands. Sometimes they kiss and stuff. I know you don’t do it.’
‘Right. Well, that’s because I haven’t met anyone I want to…’ she cleared her throat ‘…hold hands with.’
‘Maybe you will now we’ve hung all the mistletoe everywhere. Grandma says you just won’t let a man close enough to hold your hand.’
‘Grandma talks too much.’
‘But it could happen?’
Not in a million years. ‘Maybe—of course, you never know what will happen in this world.’
‘Could it happen by Thursday?’
‘Thursday?’ Meg blinked. ‘Why Thursday?’
‘Thursday is Dad’s Day at school.’ He sounded gloomy. ‘You’re supposed to bring in your dad or some other important man in your life and they’re all meant to talk about their jobs for five minutes.’
Meg felt as though ice water had been poured down her back. ‘There are lots of kids in your school whose parents have split up.’
‘Not in my class. Only Kevin and he still sees his dad every weekend. I’m the only one whose dad doesn’t actually visit. Freddie King says I must be a total loser if even my own dad doesn’t want to be with me.’ Jamie sat up and scrubbed his hand over his face. ‘I know you told me to be ass-ass—’
‘Assertive.’
‘That’s what I meant—assertive, but it’s hard to be assertive when he’s telling the truth.’ His little mouth wobbled.
‘It isn’t the truth, Jamie.’ Meg felt boiling-hot anger replace the freezing cold. ‘Dad didn’t leave because of you,’ she muttered thickly, pulling him into her arms and hugging him tightly. The plastic Batman dug into her back. ‘He left because of me. I’ve told you that a thousand times. He left before you were even born, so how could it have been about you? Technically, you weren’t even here.’
‘The thought of me was enough to scare him away.’
‘It wasn’t you who scared him away, it was me. I wasn’t who he wanted me to be.’ Meg eased him away from her. ‘Your dad wanted a really girly girl, and I’m, well, I’m not like that. I’ve never been that great with hair and dresses and make-up and all that stuff.’
But other women were.
Do you really need to ask why I had an affair with Georgina? Because she’s glamorous, Meg, that’s why.
Meg sat still, shocked by how much it could still hurt, even after more than seven years.