‘Did he say why?’
‘He was angry that I wouldn’t trust him. Angry that I was worried he might go off with someone.’ She swallowed. ‘He said he couldn’t live like that.’
‘Waiting for you to destroy something good? I don’t blame him. You’re enough to give the most patient man an ulcer. Don’t stir those so hard—they’re nicer when they’re still whole. I like bite and texture.’
Meg stopped stirring. Her eyes were gritty from lack of sleep and her head ached. But none of that came close to the agony that burned inside her. ‘I feel…h-horrible. Miserable. And so, so guilty about Jamie. He wanted it to work out so badly. And the crazy thing is I wanted that too. I wanted us to be a family. I wanted that.’ Her voice cracked. ‘What have I done, Mum?’
Her mother made a distressed sound and crossed the kitchen. ‘Oh, sweetheart…’ She folded Meg into her arms and held her tightly, crooning as she had when Meg had been a small child. ‘You haven’t done anything. You’re just sorting out your thoughts and the way you feel and that takes time. You’re too hard on yourself.’
Meg sobbed into her mother’s shoulder, unravelling in the safe cocoon of warmth and love. ‘No, I’ve wrecked everything and it could have been good because Dino is just gorgeous, not to mention clever, and he’s so lovely with Jamie and he’s incredible in bed.’ She sniffed. ‘Sorry—I’m so sorry.’
‘Don’t apologise.’ Her mother stroked her hair away from her face. ‘I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve done. And now you’re going to listen to me. You’ve done a fantastic job with Jamie. You’re a wonderful mother, but there are times when you need to put yourself first and this is one of them. Stop worrying about Jamie and think about yourself. Why do you think you’re so scared, Meg?’
‘Apart from the fact that I’m a crackpot?’ Meg found a tissue and blew her nose. ‘Because of Hayden, I suppose.’
‘You were young and vulnerable when you met Hayden. A girl, not a woman. You were attracted by surface sparkle and you didn’t notice the lack of depth.’ Her mother urged her gently to a chair. ‘If Hayden walked through that door now, what would you do?’
> ‘Kick him out again. I know he wasn’t right for me, Mum. I know it would never have lasted, but knowing that doesn’t help.’
‘When Hayden left you were young, you were pregnant, you were alone. But you survived. And you would survive again. People do.’ Her mother’s face was sad and Meg leaned forward and hugged her, feeling horribly selfish.
‘When we lost Dad I was worried you wouldn’t survive. I was worried you wouldn’t want to live your life without him.’
‘I learned to live a different life.’ Her mother’s voice was quiet. ‘There isn’t a day when I don’t miss your father and I’d be lying if I said it never hurts, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy. Loving and being loved is the greatest gift of all. It’s what life is all about, and that’s what I want to see in your life. I don’t want to see you turning love away because you’re afraid of what will happen if you lose it. If you do that, you’ve already lost.’
‘Love? Who said anything about love?’ Meg stared, her heart pumping hard. ‘I’m not— I don’t…’ She gulped. ‘Oh…’
‘Why do you think you’re so very scared?’ Her mother’s voice was gentle. ‘Why does it matter so much?’
Meg sucked in a breath. ‘Because I love him. I love him so much it’s like this huge glowing thing inside me. When I’m with him I feel as though I’m a light that’s suddenly switched on. I love him, I love him, but I couldn’t say it, and now—now—’
‘That’s why you’re scared. Not because of Hayden or that stupid Georgina girl. But because this time you really care and when we really care it makes us vulnerable.’
Meg pressed her hand to her chest and looked at her mother. ‘What do I do? Tell me what to do.’
Her mother smiled, love in her eyes. ‘I think you already know the answer to that one.’
‘I think I need to find out if he loves me. But he’s never said—what if he doesn’t?’
‘He’s human too. He’s not going to put it all out there unless he thinks there’s a chance, and you’ve been pushing him away from day one. How many months have you worked together?’
‘Eight? Nine?’ Her brain was a mess. ‘I don’t know.’
‘And he’s been biding his time.’
‘He flirted with everyone. He only asked me out recently. Why?’
Her mother smiled and stood up. ‘Why don’t you ask him?’
‘Right now?’ Meg found it difficult to breathe. ‘Wh-what are you going to do?’
‘Stay with your son.’ Her voice calm, Catherine opened the fridge. ‘Go. You have a whole life to live, Meg. And I have a turkey to stuff.’
CHAPTER NINE
THE house looked empty. Quiet after the noise of the night before, the huge windows reflecting the green of the forest and the bright winter sunshine.
There was no sign of life.