“When I brought you here, you were very much under the influence of the opium. And when you recognized me, you thought we were in Maui again. The past became the present, Jules, and you were . . . confused.”
I love you, Michael. I’ve always loved you.
She’d embarrassed him horribly. She was embarrassing him now.
She rose to her feet. “I don’t want to know any more.”
She nearly ran to the doorway.
“Jules! Stop!”
He caught her at the bottom of the stairs. He pulled her around and shook her. “Don’t do this, dammit! You were not yourself, not really. You didn’t know what you were doing.”
Her eyes went wide, and he knew that she was remembering now, remembering in vivid detail.
“You . . . touched me,” she whispered. “Between my . . .” She choked, feeling for an instant the touch of his fingers on her flesh, feeling the wildness, the urgency, the frenzy, but she couldn’t capture the actual feelings. They flitted away from her consciousness, leaving her more confused.
“Yes, dammit, I touched you and I gave you a woman’s pleasure. I had to. You were . . . confused, and I had to.” Like hell! You were a wild thing, crazy for it.
She became very still, trying desperately to clutch at something that made sense, that made her herself again. She said in a lost voice, “I don’t know what a woman’s pleasure is. I can’t remember exactly.”
“Oh God!” He pulled her against him roughly. “I’m sorry, Jules. I didn’t mean to say it . . . like that.”
“Did you take my virginity?”
“Did I what?” His mind was reeling.
“Jameson Wilkes said he was glad I was a virgin because the man who bought me would know it and be pleased. That was why he could charge so much money for me. But how would a man know? Did you know?”
“I didn’t take your virginity. I’m not an animal, for God’s sake! I wanted only to help you, to make you . . . calm again. How could you ever believe that I would hurt you?”
“No, I know you wouldn’t hurt me. It’s just that I don’t understand how a man could take something from me. I know that men can hurt women . . . is that what he meant about taking my virginity?”
“Yes,” Saint said, gritting his teeth. “Well, no, not really.” He released her, running his long fingers distractedly through his hair. “It’s complicated, Jules.” Complicated, hell! It’s the easiest thing in the world! “It’s something . . . well, it’s something that your husband will explain to you.”
“Then I will never know, will I?”
But you know a woman’s pleasure, if you could but remember it. “Yes,” he said firmly, “Yes, you will.”
She was silent, her eyes cast down. He hugged her gently to him as a father would a child. “Would you like to sleep now?”
“Yes, I suppose so.”
He took her to the small guestroom. “If you hear any knocking during the night, just ignore it. It’s probably someone who needs a doctor. All right?”
“Yes, Michael.”
8
“We’re leaving on the Carolina Friday.”
Jules dropped the collection of Lord Byron’s poetry to the floor and started to rise from her chair.
Saint raised his hand to still her. “No, stay there, Jules, and let me finish. I will escort you, of course. It will take us about two weeks to reach Lahaina.”
“I know exactly how long it takes,” she said, her voice bitter. She clutched the arms of the chair until her knuckles showed white.
“Yes, I guess you do. Then you will be reunited with your family.”