But what if it's more than that? I've seen the way her eyes drift over us, as though she imagines us with fewer clothes. I've seen her small smiles when we're making jokes or doing things to take care of her. I've seen the softness beneath the hard shell she's constructed to protect her from the world.
I've seen the way the rest of my crew look at her as well, and even the mutterings about Jax's crush and his ramblings about Luna being the perfect woman for us to share.
I observe everything around me, and now I know too much.
Either I keep Asher's secret and risk the fallout, or I tell Connor what I saw and stand by to watch an explosion that could obliterate our bond.
I'm not a rat. I don't snitch on my buddies, but I've never had to cover up something that could have such damaging implications for the group as a whole.
I squeeze my cock, trying to relieve the ache that seeing Luna on her back has left me with.
Tomorrow, I'll talk to Asher. Maybe he’ll commit to stepping back and maintaining professional distance. Maybe he'll want to tell Connor what happened and deal with the consequences himself.
Whatever happens, I'll have to face it in the morning.
But as I slide into sleep, I wonder again what it would be like to have Luna all to myself.
12
MO
Luna is running through the soundcheck while we stand around looking pretty. So much of this job is just passing the time, glancing around, and suspecting every human being you meet of being a psycho capable of anything. Part of that comes naturally to me. The suspicious part. Where I grew up, having that skill was the difference between life and death. Anyone could be your enemy. Anyone could want you dead. Even those who didn't want you dead could kill you by accident. War leaves scars that never heal. The ones in the mind can be worse than the ones inflicted on the body.
Asher is resting after taking the night shift. Connor, Jax, and Hudson are on one side of the stage, and Ben, Elijah and I are on the other. I glance at Ben and catch him biting the skin off the side of his thumb. I know his stress-tells well. Finger-biting tells me he has something on his mind.
"What's going on?" I ask him. "You're going to end up with only four digits on that hand if you keep that up."
"Nothing," he says abruptly without looking at me, but he drops his hand into a semi-flexed fist by his side.
I snort, not believing him for a second. "You can pretend all you like, but I know you, Ben. You have something marinating under all that black hair."
"The only thing marinating under that hair is Ben's crush on Luna." Elijah punches Ben on the shoulder good-naturedly. "I've been watching you all day, staring at her like you've got x-ray vision. And I've seen her blushing too. What the hell is going on between you guys?"
"Nothing," Ben hisses. "As if I'd do something so reckless. I thought you'd know me better than that."
"Jax is reckless," I say. "Asher is led by his heart. Elijah can't decide between left and right."
"And me?" Ben asks.
"You procrastinate behind every decision. Definitely not reckless."
"So why has he bitten his thumb to the point that it's raw?" Elijah probes.
In front of us, Luna's singing reaches its highest, the speakers distorting until they're adjusted to cope with the power of her voice.
"He knows something," I say. "Something he wishes that he didn't. He was like this in Iraq when Jax raided Connor's chocolate stash. He can't take sitting on other people's secrets. He's like a hen sitting on a molten egg."
Ben snorts as though I'm talking garbage, but it's not convincing. I know my friends sometimes wonder if I'm aware of what's going on around me. They think the fact that English is my second language means that I miss the subtleness that bubbles under the surface. They worry that my memories cloud my concentration, but they keep me around anyway because we have ties that bind us. What they don't realize is that I see everything. I notice, and I process. It's why I don't talk as much as the rest. While they are laughing and joking, I'm building a picture of everything they're aware that they're saying and everything that they're not aware of too.
I used to be a translator for the U.S. military. I've seen the way people say one thing but mean another. I've seen how the choice of one word can change a discussion but also how body language that doesn't match can upset everything.
I know people, and right now, Ben is hiding something.
Ben shifts, shoving his hands into his pockets. The strain of sitting on that hot rock of a secret is getting too much for him.